March 2008 News Archive (Page 4)

Here's some of the craziest shit I've heard in a while! Brad Pitt is related to Barack Obama and Angelina Jolie is related to Hilary Clinton. Both relations are about a million times removed, but I wanna know which geek sat his ass down to figure all this crap out.

Researchers at the New England Historic Genealogical Society discovered that Barack Obama is distant cousins with Brad Pitt and Hillary Clinton is related to Angelina Jolie, Madonna, Alanis Morissette, and Celine Dion. Obama â€" who wrote his own Just Like Us captions last month â€" is also distantly related to six presidents, including George W. Bush. Pitt and Obama are ninth cousins, linked by Edwin Hickman, who died in Virginia in 1769, the researchers found.

Clinton â€" who revealed her worst outfits ever to Us â€" and Jolie, meanwhile, are ninth cousins, twice removed because they are both related to Jean Cusson who died in St. Sulpice, Quebec, in 1718.

And all this matters why? It doesn't. They just wanted a reason to write a new story about Angelina and Brad. I'm gonna assume I'm related to ex-Governor Eliot Spitzer cause I'm into the same kinky stuff he is. Get in touch with me Uncle Eliot, we'll have to get together for a little incest action.

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My favorite crack whore Amy Winehouse is going to be spending more time in rehab. Amy's trashtacular looks have really gone downhill lately and she says it's from a skin fungus called Impetigo... Impetigo my ass! That bitch looks like she's been inhaling crystal meth through a gas mask!

"Amy has admitted she needs to check into rehab again. There are too many temptations for her in the UK �" people around her in London are making it impossible for her to stay clean for any length of time. Her management had considered flying her to a clinic in Israel but are now looking further afield. They are assessing a clinic in Cape Town in South Africa."

Back to Black star Amy says her skin condition is impetigo, a bacterial infection. Sun Doctor Carol Cooper said: "The damage is quite severe, but not unusual with crack cocaine abuse. "She's got a number of sores, some of which look infected, and others that have formed ulcers."

You know with Amy it's not going to take one or two times in rehab to get clean. She's going to be battling this shiznit for years to come. She's so far in, it's gonna be hard to bring her out of it.

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Paris Hilton and flavor of the week borefriend Benji Madden fondled a cheetah while visiting South Africa.

She probably did fondle that cheetah! I think Paris would fondle or hump just about anything possible if she was allowed. She probably gave the cheetah a little wanky wanky action for Benji's own amusement. Man, why did they have to let her around a tame cheetah? Throw that bitch out with some real wild cheetahs and let's see how she fares. At least if they killed her they would stop the infections she keeps spreading from country to country.

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Here's last nights Britney Spears episode of How I Met Your Mother in case you missed it! I think Britney did a pretty damn good job!

Jamie Lynn Spears is sporting some sparkling new jewelry â€" an engagement ring from fiancé Casey Aldridge.Spears, 16, has been flashing the rock to friends and family around Louisiana and Mississippi. "She's got an engagement ring," the source says. "She's been showing it off, talking about it."

O.k. people you really don't have to get married just because you're knocked up! I surely hope momma Lynn isn't forcing this shit on them. Especially with all the rumors going back and forth of whether they're together or not doesn't help. Run Casey run before you get stuck in that crazy ass Spears compound too!

People

Spencer Pratt on dealing with haters:

Haters you should love. Hatred stems from jealousy at some point. If people aren't hating on you, they don't care, and if they don't care, that means you're not doing anything right. I love my haters.

Spencer's right. I wouldn't take the time to post about them and talk about their gopher teeth and ridiculous photo ops if he wasn't such an ass. I don't think he realizes he makes it pretty hard not to hate him.  I love hating you, Spencer!

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Demi Moore was on The Late Show with David Letterman last night to promote her new movie 'Flawless' and talked about her recent trip to Australia and doing leech therapy as part of a cleansing process. She says the leeches actually release an enzyme that detoxifies your blood and they put the first one in her belly button... Ewwww! If you wanna get straight to the leech talk you can forward to about the 3:30 mark. It's crazy and definitely worth hearing her talk about!

Magazine editors and journalists aren't worried about Ashton Kutcher's new show, Pop Fiction, hurting their credibility. One editor points out the Avril Lavigne 'pregnant' story and admits they never took it seriously after seeing her drinking in Miami. I never took the Avril story seriously because the bitch is too self centered to pop out a kid.

One editor sneers, "Ashton's not a journalist. One of the stories was about Avril Lavigne being pregnant. But everyone watched her in Miami, and reporters caught her drinking. A fake belly doesn't get by us. "There's nothing these people do that we don't know about before they get there. We know everything. Ninety percent of their lives are put together by other people. It's almost like these celebs have LoJack. It's easy to track them. "

Star mag ran a picture of Paris and her "guru," but reported that it was a stunt. "We never took it seriously," Star editor in chief Candace Trunzo tells us. "After a while, you learn what smells." Kutcher's crusade for truth won't affect Star's coverage of Kutcher and his wife, Demi Moore, Trunzo says. "He's only semi-interesting," she says. "He doesn't sell a lot of mags. It's a typical conceited celebrity," says a mag insider. "Live a life, man. Grow up. Go act. If a celeb has a full week, then they have way too much time on their hands.

If we're lucky Ashton will admit most of his acting career is part of his pop fiction show too. You can't really get casted in movies when your acting is that bad, can you?!? I haven't even watched one entire episode of his new show but did catch the one about Eva Longoria and Mario Lopez, which was completely retarded. Hearing Eva hyene laugh was enough of a reason for me to change the channel.

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Nicole Richie is the next celeb to jump on the design bandwagon. Nicole's going to design her own line of jewelry and possibly come out with a fragrance in the future. Wonder what that will smell like? Bulimia!

"It's all costume jewelry. I like to play with jewelry and mix and match." Produced with the company Mouawad (who also does Heidi Klum's fine jewelry collection), Richie is working with "this really talented woman named Shelley Gibbs. She's an artist and she sketches everything."

And Richie makes sure to keep baby Harlow at the forefront of her priorites while working on the line. She explains that "everyone's been really mellow and able to work around my schedule. If I need to go feed the baby, I do it." And as busy as she is, Richie's not stopping at jewelry. We can look forward to her infant and children's wear lines coming out later this year as well �" we even hear whispers of a fragrance from Richie in the not-too-distant future.

Yeah, come out with a line of jewelry for kids and babies so they have something new to choke on. Way to help cut down the baby population, Nicole!

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Here's Heidi's new single called 'No More' and I wish she would take her own advice and make no more music. I'm sorry but even if this ho was grammy worthy, I still wouldn't care for her singing.

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