Archive for August 13th, 2008
I have been all over the Olympics like Britney Spears on a Starbucks’ frapp. I’ve been wanting to blog about it, it’s just that I’ve been busy meeting up with friends, spending time with a smoking hot Italian from Italy that I met Downtown, drinking wine like it’s water, texting like crazy, working out with actual VHS tapes, finally reading Eat, Pray, Love, emailing people back, taking care of my dad, and … yeah, I haven’t set aside time to blog about the Olympics, but I wanna more than I want free gas for a year.
However, I will say this - I’ve been planning a ‘Because He’s Hot Olympian Series’ for the past week. It’s coming. I promise. And the Olympics will continue for a while, so hopefully I’ll be covering one hottie per day. I can’t wait to write about Michael Phelps, but hopefully I won’t get too graphic. He’s delicious!
Now, back to the title of this post. Jessica Alba and her baby daddy, Cash Warren, are into the Olympics too.
“I don’t know about you all but Cash and I have been glued to the Olympics,” she wrote in a blog post titled “What an Amazing Opening Ceremony!” on MySpace.
“How amazing was the opening ceremony?!?” she continued. “I still don’t know how they coordinated 2008 people to move in perfect sync.”
Alba, 27, described the men’s 400 meter relay as “insane.”
“We were down by almost a half body length going into the final turn and then next thing you knew it was closer, closer, closer until we touched the wall first!” she wrote. “Cash and I went crazy.”
She said swimmer Michael Phelps’s victory was “so memorable.”
“The last time I got this excited watching sports was when [pal Baron Davis] was in the NBA playoffs,” she added.
As for 2-month-old daughter Honor, Alba wrote: “Everyone in the family is doing great.”
Thanks for the post, Jess. How many of you guys are lovin’ the Olympics too?
source
Allure turned Carrie into a Hilary Duff lookalike, but she still looks hawt.
I have no idea who represents this chick, but everyone on Carrie Underwood’s payroll should be fired. Carrie needs to be told to shut the hell up, because all she does is whine about men - as if beating the hell out of a truck in a video wasn’t enough.
One of her relationships from her days at Oklahoma’s Northeastern State University could have inspired her hit “Before He Cheats.”
“I don’t want to name names, even though he probably deserves it, but he fooled around,” she says. “Oh, yeah – And lied.”
Who fools around and doesn’t lie, Carrie?! It’s a package deal, bitch. You cheat, you lie, you don’t send out a mass text message or make T-shirts about your indiscretions.
Underwood says it’s difficult to find friends she can trust – and guys who like her for the right reasons.
“You never really know why somebody wants to be around you, or if they do genuinely like you. I wish everyone had a label on their forehead so you could automatically tell their intentions. Sometimes you just wish that no one wanted anything from you.”
I feel you, Carrie. I really feel you, but you sound whiny as hell in print when you say that. Talk to your girl friends about this mess, not reporters.
And Carrie says Jessica Simpson’s boyfriend, Tony Romo, still calls her.
The phone will ring and it’ll be him, and I’ll maybe not answer.”
Papa Joe’s head has officially exploded.
To summarize, I’m embarrassed for Dane Cook. His attempt at hilarity via typing a funny, lightly comedic or grin worthy MySpace blog post falls short.
Note to male ranting celebrities: Men who whine and bitch and care so much about their looks will never be considered hot while they’re doing so. In fact, it will have quite the opposite effect.
Note to everyone on the planet who can read and write: Write, post or send absolutely nothing when you’re upset because you will regret it. Always.
I must post Dane’s rant in its entirety. It’s breathtaking how much of a crybaby he is. And if you don’t know how to spell Britney Spears’ name right - he has a “Brittany Spears’ vagina” reference in here - I’m boycotting your movie and I hope you OD tomorrow. It’s BRITNEY, douche!
* I’ll be posting the movie poster a few times throughout his rant so you can briefly glance at it to observe just how much he’s barking about nothing.
1. Graphics:
Whoever photoshopped our poster must have done so at taser point with 3 minutes to fulfill their hostage takers deranged obligations. They should have called Donnie Hoyle and had him give a tutorial using “You Suck at Photoshop” templates. This is so glossy it makes Entertainment Weekly look wooden.
2. My head:
The left side of my face seems to be melting off of my skull. I guess I am looking directly into the Ark of the Covenant? Are they going for the bells palsy thing here? My left side looks like Brittany Spears’ vagina.
3. The Stare.
My character apparently has fallen in love with a strand of Kate Hudsons hair. Kate’s mannequin is desperately in love with the inside of my right ear while Jason is half stunned, half corsage.
4. Lips:
It looks like I’m wearing Maybelline Water Shine Diamonds Liquid Lipstick. My characters name is now Winter Solstice and I’m a hooker with a heart of gold. Jason is my floral carrying pimp, while Kate is my first trick!
5. Fashion:
My character is sporting a very high collar I mean damn they should be snow capped at that altitude. It’s going for the vampire lurking in the castle basement vibe. An Olympic pole vaulter would have a tough go clearing that collar. I’m also able to turn my head comfortably 180 degrees, because I was raised in an abandoned barn by a family of owls. (more…)
Isabel may or may not have been creepin’ on Adrian, but she pissed him off enough to make him hump her and dump her. After Isabel was caught in the truck with Shia LaBeouf during his drunken accident bust, Adrian was reportedly upset, but he kept banging her. Was she apologizing via blowjobs?
Okay, before I post what People magazine’s saying, I just have to say this is bullshit. The two were photographed together as recently as last week. Three weeks ago, my ass!
The pair broke up about three weeks ago, right after the accident that left LaBeouf with a crushed hand.
“It wasn’t working out,” says a source. “Adrian saw her with Shia and that was kind of it – the crash, their hanging out. He obviously didn’t appreciate it.”
“He obviously didn’t appreciate it.” - Hahaha! Adrian’s “source” is like, you can’t play a player, bitches! Adrian sounds all jealous and shit. That’s kinda hot. But only coming from him.
