Jennifer Aniston is Engaged
… to her right, and sometimes left, hand. She’s ambidextrous. If you’re gonna masturbate properly, you should try to be ambidextrous. That way you can get off while pleasuring someone else, you can click around on the net without having to take breaks, you can cook dinner, drive a car, pry the gun outta the hands of a robber then shave your legs all the while you’ve been getting closer to reaching the big O. My hot tub date Ace says he’s ambidextrous when it comes to masturbating. I am too. This is obviously a sign that the Gods - Jesus Christ and Oprah Winfrey have brought us together.
Jenny Aniston isn’t engaged. She’s just beyond desperate at this point. You know she’s gonna remove that ring by the time she starts doing press for her new flick “He’s Just Not That Into You.” Trust.
