September 2008 News Archive (Page 3)

First of all, no one knows wtf this picture is about. Considering that he already knocked up Nicole Richie, Joel's obviously reminding his brother Benji that Paris' infected gaping canal aka vagina is dangerous and he should triple bag it. But why didn't he hold up the Magnum condoms?! And if there weren't any Magnums to be found, he shouldn't hold up any condoms at all. Like, if I'm pictured bra shopping, I'll be holding the D-cups. That has nothing to do with the fact that I am a D. If I were an AA I'd have a D-cup bra on my head and a couple under my armpits and one fastened on top of my clothes just for emphasis that no one needs to throw some D's on this bitch.

Joel!!!! Make me think you're packin' heat. The fantasy is more entertaining than the sad reality is.

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I'm so glad this shitty year is coming to an end I cant wait for 09'. i love the world , fuck mcpalin.

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Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel may have fogged up the camera lens in what could be a staged photo for the paps while in Italy.

I don't care if they knew pics were being taken or not, their chemistry is palpable. Gimme a piece. Throw me a crumb of some of this shit.

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That was fast!! :)

DJ AM was released from Doctors Hospital in Augusta, Ga., where he was being treated for injuries from a fatal plane crash.

His rep said,

"While he is deeply saddened by the events, he is thankful for all of the love and support he has been receiving from fans and friends worldwide. We ask that you continue respect his privacy as he rests and heals and mourns the loss of his friends."

DJ AM, 35, whose real name is Adam Goldstein, suffered serious burns in the crash shortly after midnight Sept. 19 that also injured Travis Barker, 32, and killed four others.

Barker is expected to leave the hospital in about two week, says his friend Jermaine Dupri, who visited the former Blink 182 drummer in the hospital last Sunday.

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Xtina debuted a platinum new wig, pink lipstick and a slimming, all-black outfit at the Rock the Vote event last night. Good move! You know the bitch doesn't have any hair left! Extensions are bad. Britney and Christina is all the proof you need.

I also like the pink lipstick on Ms. Aguilera. It makes her look like a real life Barbie and that's exactly what she is. Everything on her is synthetic.

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Here's some gorgeous photos of my least favorite crackhead, Amy Wino, taken last night.

The crazy is still in tact, the fug remains strong. The weave keeps getting messier. Wino definitely has her life on track. She is an amazing role model - stand back, observe, wonder and get inspired.

On a sidenote, she does get a great tan. Heh. There goes my Amy Winehouse compliment for the year.

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In case you didn't know, Michael Phelps and I are not on the same page. Seriously, you should write this down.

Michael Phelps got in the pool in his hometown of Baltimore this week and said, "It was painful." Huh?

"I'm a little out of shape. But I will be able to get back. I am going to start working out more."

What does he consider to be "in shape"? My gut is getting in between us, literally and figuratively. My ass is not only way outta shape, it needs a good three years of training according to Michael's standards. This is the price you pay for dating an athlete or anyone with a cut body. You will be considered obese in comparison to them. But I digress.

Michael also claims he doesn't notice all the attention he gets from the ladies,... I believe it. Nerds don't observe shit. You have to jump on their laps, put their hands in your special places and give 'em a lap dance before they realize that, 'hey, maybe she likes me?'

Mikey says,

"I don't really notice it. When I go out, go to dinner, I go out with friends, and we stay to ourselves. I don't think of myself as a sex symbol. My mom is by far the most important woman in my life."

Uh, muthafucka... your body is a sex symbol, not your face. But since your body comes with your face, it'll have to do for now, until you get some work done. I kid. I kid. I don't care about his face because I wouldn't look at it during sex.

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Sarah Michelle Gellar will make her return to the small screen with The Wonderful Maladys, due to premiere on HBO next year, Variety reports.

The former star of Buffy the Vampire Slayer will play a character with "a kind of zealous immaturity - like a drug addict with a to-do list," screenwriter Charles Randolph said.

The Wonderful Maladys, about three dysfunctional adults who were orphaned at a young age, is Gellar's first TV commitment since Buffy, which ended its seven-year run in 2003.

Randolph wrote the single-camera show specifically for Gellar, 31, and HBO.

Gellar, who has four films due out next year.

HBO shows are usually pretty damn good. I think this is a good comeback move for Ms. Gellar. :)

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Jessica Alba knows her career is on fire and it would disappear if she became overweight and fug, so she wasn't having it.

Last month Jessica's trainer said she had already lost 25 pounds. Jess gave birth on June 7th.

"She worked out an hour a day, five or six days a week, and stayed on a strict diet of about 1700 calories a day, losing 600 calories because of exercise."

Alba stuck to a low-fat, low-carb diet as part of Braganza's 321 Baby Bulge Be Gone plan.

Jess said she wanted to take her weight off in a "responsible" amount of time. Her trainer said her progress has been amazing because "she really works at it. "I, for one, am not a jealous ass bitch and I think it's awesome that Jess got thin again so quickly. Jessica has always talked about how hard she works out; I didn't think that would change with her pregnancy, she's inspirational. On a sidenote, a 1700 per day diet where you're burning 600 calories a day is going to cause you to lose weight. I don't think it's all about genetics. Hard work is key. Go Jess! :)

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