If I Were Oprah, I’d Be Fat Too

With all the food Oprah can afford, best believe she is well fed. Lady O appeared at Tyler Perry’s TV and film studio opening in Atlanta on Saturday looking, uh, super sized.

Her battle with weight continues, and I think she should just permanently surrender. I’ve said this for like half of my life, though, because I grew up on Oprah. Although at times it seems that victory is within reach, she is not winning her personal war on the refrigerator.

What amazes me the most about fat Oprah is her figure. 30, if not, 40% of her weigh is housed in her arms. I don’t get it. If she tries really hard, can she fly away to far away lands so she can consume even more fattening foods? Maybe she should give it a try, we’d never be able to tell the difference… I’d cry about it too, babe.But it’s okay, really. You’re amazing and we’re all just jealous. We want access to your pin number. You get to savor the last laugh.

I love her, overweight and all. Gawd knows if I had her bank account, I’d be huge too, requiring my own zip codes. I’d inhale the finest, most exquisite and fattening foods on an hourly basis. The only time I wouldn’t stay on schedule would be for show tapings, sex and sleep. That’s it.