The Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion begins with the wig wearing, “god given talent” house “wife” on the show, Kim Zolciak. The host says that “so many” people don’t believe that Kim is 29 years old. Kim says she’s “now 30,” but she often looked like her real age, which is “39 with all that makeup caked on.”
Before I get into the rest of the recap, let’s talk about how everyone looked and such.
Dwight:
We liked him as Dwight, not Little Richard in 20 years. NeNe’s “gay boyfriend” had on some oversized red jacket and fluffy hair extensions that if he saw on anyone else he would label the look “dreadful.” The “honorary 6th Housewife” was good looking and youthful on the show. But over the course of a few months, he has aged rapidly. He also slams Kim and says that he needs to bring her attire “into the 21st century and start with her hair,” but he’s looking a hot mess himself while he says this!
Kim:
I think she has one wig. Does she wash the damn thing? Kim wore the same beat down Barbie doll hair and it really needs to be brushed. She also sounds the same - like a man. Kimmy wears all those suits and jackets to cover up her penis, but her baritone voice and wig give it away.
Shereee:
Wanted to be “the talk of the town” with her soft, long ponytail and bang noodle. She was flippin’ that noodle for all its worth. Her makeup was nice and her outfit was stylish. Sheree is a cold-hearted bitch, though. She’s just stiff and annoying. If someone’s not praising her or dissing someone else, she looks bored and unhappy.
NeNe:
Now that the long hair is gone, NeNe can’t keep flipping her weave around when it’s not in her face. Big fun. Since NeNe’s hair is short now, she seems to shake her head incessantly while rocking back and forth. Are there meds for this? NeNe was also wearing a bra and fake eyelashes. She looked alrighty, but she really allows Kim to get the best of her.
Lisa:
Looked so cute. Her boots were hawt. I also loved that Lisa, the Real Housewives of Atlanta star with gorgeous natural hair, had such issues with Kim’s wig. Ouch! Lisa, I love you! Lisa also calls Kim a “habitual liar” who needs medication. I worship you.
DeShawn:
The entire reunion DeShawn sat in the corner and looked constipated. Shawny has no neck and she barely opens her mouth when she talks.
Here’s a video of the blog awards that didn’t air last night
Now onto the recap…
Kim, ever the great debater, noted that she spelled cat K-A-T because she’s “human.”
While Kim was speaking with the host, NeNe’s eye rolling was on auto pilot. Not a good look. It makes that lazy eye of hers more prominent.
NeNe said that her and Curtis-is-not-the-father have not spoken since the show. She claims she needs “time to heal,” so what exactly does he need? Time to try to care to be in NeNe’s life now? He was barely around to begin with.
When NeNe was asked if she’s an ex-stripper she said,
False. I strip most nights for Greg. I am a stripper, I strip for my husband. Greg loves it.
Kim just couldn’t stop laughing at what NeNe said on the reunion show, or during video clips. NeNe entertains the hell outta Kim and since Kim’s twisted, she really doesn’t deserve the free comedy. I hope NeNe stays away and Kim and Sheree can worship each other. They’ll get tired of that soon.
The host later asks Kim who Big Poppa is. Kim says,
It’s on again, off again. This show has had an impact on our relationship. He is “airquotes - legally married.”
NeNe then launches the verbal assaults.
NENE: Close your legs to married men!! You heard me. You’re the one who’s trouble. You’re lying every chance you get. You made a comment already that you would beat my ass.
KIM: GROW UP! This isn’t about you. Back your ass up!
NENE: I can say whatever I wanna say. You can’t sing. You can not sing!
KIM: Watch, bitch.
NENE: I’ll see you outside. You touch me, I will take that wig off your head. Hooker! Trashy hooker!
Notice how I have no exclamation point after Kim’s, “Watch, bitch” comment. Kimmy is all bark, no bite. Whenever Kim is confronted, she cowers.
Now on to one of my favorite parts of the reunion:
Host: Is that your real hair, Kim?
Kim: I got very sick (cue the violins, the tears are emerging). A few years ago, I lost 25 lbs (she must have looked much better and Kim claims she’s currently a size 2)… My hair was falling out. A doctor said that he’s 90% sure that I have cancer.
Kim then says that “they found out that I didn’t have cancer.” Okaaaayyyyy… So once upon a time a doctor said Kim “might” have cancer, then he said she doesn’t have cancer (and she had no chemotherapy), and it’s years later, and she’s still wearing a life-sized Barbie doll wig now?! Does her story add up to you? Didn’t think so. There’s no reason Kim should be a wig-wearing homewrecker now.
It was the mute woman’s time to talk, so the host interviewed Shawny. DeShawn said that she met Eric before he was successful. Lucky. She also announced that she’s getting her Master’s. Er, can she read? I must note that it’s great that Shawny is trying to make a difference in people’s lives instead of just spending her husband’s money. And DeShawn is perfect for the show because she’s cheery and balances out the drama.
Onto Lisa,
Lil Ms. Entrepreuneur brought the fierce, per usual.
When the host said that Lisa’s a peace maker and prevented NeNe from putting the smack down on Kimmy, she said that NeNe “might have to hold me back in a couple seconds.” HA!!!! Kim was scared again. Thank you, Lisa. And what I love so much about Lisa is she’s real. If you mess with her, you pay, and she’s not playin’.
She by Sheree “fashion designer” said that “A lot of designers don’t sketch.” She also said she’s not a gold-digger because she doesn’t chase men. I liked her explanation. It’s a hell of a lot better than Kim’s, “I’m human” revelation. Sidenote: I hope Sheree doesn’t get “some seven odd figures” from her ex.
What the housewives are doing now
Kim’s country album is scheduled to drop this January. Never has the word “drop” been more appropriate for announcing one’s mainstream music debut.
Sheree: She by Sheree should debut this fall.
NeNe: Plans to expand her foundation for women of domestic violence. She’s also writing a book with Lisa about domestic abuse. Kim pretty much gasped when she heard that and, as NeNe would say, “You look ridiculous!” Kim sure does. NeNe’s coming up. Everyone hates Kim. Karma, bitches.
Lisa: Will be working on her businesses and sexin’ her hubby at home since he’s not gonna be playing for the Oakland Raiders.
DeShawn: Will be getting her master’s in culinary arts. Kidding. I have no clue of what Shawny will get her master’s in.
Happy Turkey day, all! I hope everyone has a delicious Thanksgiving and fun black Friday. POTP will be poppin’ on Monday. Much l.u.v. and l.o.v.e.
Three male and three female inmates face charges that they devised a way to sneak between cell blocks to help pass their time behind bars by having sex.
The inmates figured out how to remove metal ceiling panels in the Greene County Jail and used the passageway more than a dozen times in September and October.
The men — ages 44, 38 and 17 — and the women — ages 27, 26 and 21 — crawled through the ceiling after midnight, having sexual encounters and drinking homemade alcohol that was found hidden in the male cell block, a police affidavit said.
One male inmate who was not charged said the female inmates would “hang-out, play cards or have sex with some of the male inmates” in their cell block, the affidavit said.
The inmates were able to find a security camera “blind spot” where they could remove ceiling tiles and create a passage between the cell blocks. The inmates used a shower drain as a tool to loosen security screws and the ceiling tiles were carefully replaced so they did not appear to be disturbed.
Prosecutors have filed felony escape charges against the six inmates, who were awaiting trial on a variety of charges.
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* HOT LINKS *
Yes, it has happened again - CNW
Robert Pattinson deliciousness - AB
Thanksgiving has come early!! - CS
“Oh this is like a handful of Skittles - a colourful piece of sweetness you can pop over and over again. Girl dun lost her weave and she’s just fine with it!” - OMG
I actually teared up when I read that 12% of women never achieve an orgasm?! Wouldn’t wanna be ya - CK
The horror! - RR
Sounds like a crush - BB
So effing harsh on Jennifer Aniston. Ouch! - GB
The Hills recap of last night’s LC vs. Audrina confrontation - IBBB
It actually took me a long time before I figured out that Michelle Obama’s butt is huge, too!
As Michelle strode onto more stages and people started focusing on her clothes and presence instead of her patriotism, it dawned on me — good God, she has a butt!
“Obama’s baby (mama) got back,” wrote one feminist blogger. “OMG, her butt is humongous!” went a typical comment on one African-American online forum, and while it isn’t humongous, per se, it is a solid, round, black, class-A boo-tay.
Try as Michelle might to cover it with those Mamie Eisenhower skirts and sheath dresses meant to reassure mainstream voters, the butt would not be denied. The one clear predictor of success that the pundits, despite all their fancy maps, charts and holograms, missed completely? Michelle’s butt.
Ever since slavery, it’s been both vilified and fetishized as the most singular of all black female features, more unsettling than dark skin and full lips, the thing that marked black women as uncouth and not quite ready for civilization (of course, it also made them mighty attractive to white men, which further stoked fears of miscegenation that lay at the heart of legal and social segregation).
Thanks to Michelle, looking professional and provocative in a distinctly black way will become not only acceptable but also part of a whole presidential look that’s more, well, inclusive.
It turns out that Sir Mix-A-Lot, he of “Baby Got Back” fame, was not a novelty but a prophet. Who knew? Give that guy a Cabinet post.
I think Michelle’s kind of hard on the eyes. Her mouth scares me! But once I finally noticed her big black girl booty, I understood Barack’s physical appeal to her. She’s got it.
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On the delivery
“Obviously, some stuff my wife would freak if I said, but she’s pretty much a saint. Right before she went into labor, I was like, ‘Oh my God, I think I’m having a heart attack!’ Natural things start going on in your body. My heart started beating really fast.”
“You seen your wife in all this pain, and you really don’t know what’s happening.”
Ashlee helped calm Pete down:
[Ashlee] took care of me and made sure I was OK and then we went into labor. That’s why she’s a saint. She’s a amazing girl. She was like, ‘I will make sure you’re OK. I didn’t even stop to think, ‘Well, you just had an epidural and you’re about to have a baby!’”
What Ashlee said about Bronx
“‘He’s beautiful. He’s perfect.’ We were instantly in love. It’s impossible not to be!”
On everyone wanting to meet the baby,
“Having a child is like opening a new spot in L.A. — everyone’s trying to get in every night!”
On the name Bronx Mowgli
He said he and Ashlee had been “throwing it back and forth a while ago. I feel weird because all these people have all these ideas on what it means … I don’t think anyone knows the real story of why or how.”
On daddyhood
“It’s different when it happens. Your life is 100 percent different now - you want it to be different.”
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How are you and NeNe getting along? Have you had that glass of wine yet?
We have not had that glass of wine to be honest with you. Hopefully in the very near future, now that the show has calmed down and life is a little bit calmer, we’ll actually sit down and have a conversation. I heard that NeNe was upset about the footage of her [singing about me] in the limo. Her intention wasn’t to hurt my feelings. With that being said, NeNe and I have been friends for a long time. I think she’s great. She’s funny and entertaining, and my older daughter (Brielle) just adores her.
How did you feel when you saw the footage of NeNe singing about you?
I thought it was funny myself, but I was a little hurt by the stuff she said. At the end of the day, had she not been drinking and not been out having a great time, I don’t think that would have happened. I know her well enough. NeNe has a really good heart.
Was what you saw in the episode different from how it was described to you?
I was told the story accurately. I was prepared, but hearing it and then watching it are two different things. (more…)
Paris Hilton is getting a rude awakening as her market value plummets. The public now seems to have lost interest in the emaciated, fake baby voiced skank.
The heir-head, whose show, “Paris Hilton’s My New BFF,” on MTV has low ratings, was booed so badly at the Kress in Hollywood this weekend, she refused to take the stage.
Hilton was at a birthday party for designer Christian Audigier’s daughter, Crystal, and was supposed to introduce the Pussycat Dolls. But when Audigier took the stage and yelled to the crowd, “Do you want to see Paris Hilton?” our spy said,
“The entire room - which had just cheered when they thought Britney Spears was coming - booed loudly. Paris was practically in tears and left without taking the stage.”
Tragic?
“Access Hollywood” reports that Cynthia, who’s in the final stages of her divorce from A-Rod, wrote an e-mail to a confidant noting:
“My 6-foot-3, 220-pound soul-less, soon-to-be ex-husband is abandoning his kids on Thanksgiving to be with Madonna . . . She called and he ran on her command back to New York City . . . Gross!”
A-Rod won’t be with his children Natasha,4, and Ella,1, in Miami because he’s hosting a party for Madge, 50, and her kids.
To add insult to injury, after Rodriguez left Miami at Madonna’s beck and call, his lawyer called Cynthia and wanted her to sign the couple’s divorce settlement.
Cynthia should get a new man and call it a day with this douche. Besides, A-Rod must be gay because he dumped a woman for a male body builder. If you’re gonna divorce the mother of your kids for some ho, your new fuckship should have a chance longevity. Madonna’s relationships just don’t work and A-Rod’s a mimbo for thinking otherwise. A hot, sexy, good sperm donor mimbo, but a moron none the less…. Mmmmm, A-Rod, yum.
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