Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion Recap and Video

The Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion begins with the wig wearing, “god given talent” house “wife” on the show, Kim Zolciak. The host says that “so many” people don’t believe that Kim is 29 years old. Kim says she’s “now 30,” but she often looked like her real age, which is “39 with all that makeup caked on.”

Before I get into the rest of the recap, let’s talk about how everyone looked and such.

Dwight:

We liked him as Dwight, not Little Richard in 20 years. NeNe’s “gay boyfriend” had on some oversized red jacket and fluffy hair extensions that if he saw on anyone else he would label the look “dreadful.” The “honorary 6th Housewife” was good looking and youthful on the show. But over the course of a few months, he has aged rapidly. He also slams Kim and says that he needs to bring her attire “into the 21st century and start with her hair,” but he’s looking a hot mess himself while he says this!

Kim:

I think she has one wig. Does she wash the damn thing? Kim wore the same beat down Barbie doll hair and it really needs to be brushed. She also sounds the same - like a man. Kimmy wears all those suits and jackets to cover up her penis, but her baritone voice and wig give it away.

Shereee:

Wanted to be “the talk of the town” with her soft, long ponytail and bang noodle. She was flippin’ that noodle for all its worth. Her makeup was nice and her outfit was stylish. Sheree is a cold-hearted bitch, though. She’s just stiff and annoying. If someone’s not praising her or dissing someone else, she looks bored and unhappy.

NeNe:

Now that the long hair is gone, NeNe can’t keep flipping her weave around when it’s not in her face. Big fun. Since NeNe’s hair is short now, she seems to shake her head incessantly while rocking back and forth. Are there meds for this? NeNe was also wearing a bra and fake eyelashes. She looked alrighty, but she really allows Kim to get the best of her.

Lisa:

Looked so cute. Her boots were hawt. I also loved that Lisa, the Real Housewives of Atlanta star with gorgeous natural hair, had such issues with Kim’s wig. Ouch! Lisa, I love you! Lisa also calls Kim a “habitual liar” who needs medication. I worship you.

DeShawn:

The entire reunion DeShawn sat in the corner and looked constipated. Shawny has no neck and she barely opens her mouth when she talks.

Here’s a video of the blog awards that didn’t air last night

Now onto the recap…

Kim, ever the great debater, noted that she spelled cat K-A-T because she’s “human.”

While Kim was speaking with the host, NeNe’s eye rolling was on auto pilot. Not a good look. It makes that lazy eye of hers more prominent.

NeNe said that her and Curtis-is-not-the-father have not spoken since the show. She claims she needs “time to heal,” so what exactly does he need? Time to try to care to be in NeNe’s life now? He was barely around to begin with.

When NeNe was asked if she’s an ex-stripper she said,

False. I strip most nights for Greg. I am a stripper, I strip for my husband. Greg loves it.

Kim just couldn’t stop laughing at what NeNe said on the reunion show, or during video clips. NeNe entertains the hell outta Kim and since Kim’s twisted, she really doesn’t deserve the free comedy. I hope NeNe stays away and Kim and Sheree can worship each other. They’ll get tired of that soon.

The host later asks Kim who Big Poppa is. Kim says,

It’s on again, off again. This show has had an impact on our relationship. He is “airquotes - legally married.”

NeNe then launches the verbal assaults.

NENE: Close your legs to married men!! You heard me. You’re the one who’s trouble. You’re lying every chance you get. You made a comment already that you would beat my ass.

KIM: GROW UP! This isn’t about you. Back your ass up!

NENE: I can say whatever I wanna say. You can’t sing. You can not sing!

KIM: Watch, bitch.

NENE: I’ll see you outside. You touch me, I will take that wig off your head. Hooker! Trashy hooker!

Notice how I have no exclamation point after Kim’s, “Watch, bitch” comment. Kimmy is all bark, no bite. Whenever Kim is confronted, she cowers.

Now on to one of my favorite parts of the reunion:

Host: Is that your real hair, Kim?

Kim: I got very sick (cue the violins, the tears are emerging). A few years ago, I lost 25 lbs (she must have looked much better and Kim claims she’s currently a size 2)… My hair was falling out. A doctor said that he’s 90% sure that I have cancer.

Kim then says that “they found out that I didn’t have cancer.” Okaaaayyyyy… So once upon a time a doctor said Kim “might” have cancer, then he said she doesn’t have cancer (and she had no chemotherapy), and it’s years later, and she’s still wearing a life-sized Barbie doll wig now?! Does her story add up to you? Didn’t think so. There’s no reason Kim should be a wig-wearing homewrecker now.

It was the mute woman’s time to talk, so the host interviewed Shawny. DeShawn said that she met Eric before he was successful. Lucky. She also announced that she’s getting her Master’s. Er, can she read? I must note that it’s great that Shawny is trying to make a difference in people’s lives instead of just spending her husband’s money. And DeShawn is perfect for the show because she’s cheery and balances out the drama.

Onto Lisa,

Lil Ms. Entrepreuneur brought the fierce, per usual.

When the host said that Lisa’s a peace maker and prevented NeNe from putting the smack down on Kimmy, she said that NeNe “might have to hold me back in a couple seconds.” HA!!!! Kim was scared again. Thank you, Lisa. And what I love so much about Lisa is she’s real. If you mess with her, you pay, and she’s not playin’.

She by Sheree “fashion designer” said that “A lot of designers don’t sketch.” She also said she’s not a gold-digger because she doesn’t chase men. I liked her explanation. It’s a hell of a lot better than Kim’s, “I’m human” revelation. Sidenote: I hope Sheree doesn’t get “some seven odd figures” from her ex.

What the housewives are doing now

Kim’s country album is scheduled to drop this January. Never has the word “drop” been more appropriate for announcing one’s mainstream music debut.

Sheree: She by Sheree should debut this fall.

NeNe: Plans to expand her foundation for women of domestic violence. She’s also writing a book with Lisa about domestic abuse. Kim pretty much gasped when she heard that and, as NeNe would say, “You look ridiculous!” Kim sure does. NeNe’s coming up. Everyone hates Kim. Karma, bitches.

Lisa: Will be working on her businesses and sexin’ her hubby at home since he’s not gonna be playing for the Oakland Raiders.

DeShawn: Will be getting her master’s in culinary arts. Kidding. I have no clue of what Shawny will get her master’s in.

Happy Turkey day, all! I hope everyone has a delicious Thanksgiving and fun black Friday. POTP will be poppin’ on Monday. Much l.u.v. and l.o.v.e.