TMZ Reports That Tom Brady Is Engaged, But it Isn't True

Whew! I was getting skurred, because this is not the way things should go down with Thomas and Gisele. First, Tom must knock up Gisele in what seems to be a common practice modern day matrimony pre-requisite - just like he did when he dumped his pregnant ex-fiance, Bridget Moynahan. Next, Gisele will birth four kids instead of one. I'm sure three of them would be gorgeous and one of them would be fug. I would then go on to tease the fug one relentlessly just like I did with Suri Cruise, because it's all for good luck. Look at how adorable Suri is now? Insults can prompt positive changes. I know this because Suri will be thanking me later, and so will Tom and Gisele (after they split), and Bridget will live happily ever after.

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