January 2009 News Archive (Page 2)

I've been a huge Lady Gaga fan since this Summer. My best friend found Just Dance on iTunes before it exploded and it was basically our vacation theme song.

I remember coming home from the beach and looking her up online and we were shocked!

I've come to love her sense of style. It's eccentric, and it works for her. It also works for her wallet. The press can't help themselves. They always want to see what she'll wear next, and we do too.

These pics are from Wednesday night. Lady Gaga was out in London cavorting in what seems to be a skirt made out of latex. When I first saw it it reminded me of a dental dam. You can never be to careful! Her sunglasses look like those old people ones that you can find at Rite Aid. It's a mess, but because it's Lady Gaga, it works.

A MUST read, "Friends Until I Delete You" - "NY Times
Jessica Simpson theatre bound? - CNW
90210's Shanae Grimes looks baked - WIMB
Pamela Anderson uses a Sharpie to put on her eyeliner. DON'T try this at home. - CS
Candy Kirby thinks Paris Hilton's breasts are as big as pimples - CK
Rub David Beckham's ass - AB
Lil Wayne leaked - RR
PosH and Becks fight - GB
Kristen Stewart the small town lesbian - B!
Weird boners - OMG
Jessica Alba's ego - AG
Meet the future vh1 reality stars aka America's Next Top Model cycle 12 girls - SP

I'm in the job hunting process right now because I wanna have money to do things like travel, get butt facials and buy my panties at Victoria's Secret instead of Walmart. I realize that it's crucial for me to get another job in order to do these things, so I'm on the prowl.

For years I've told people my view on job hunting, 'Job hunting is prostitution!' When I tell people that they either laugh, give me some stink eye, or both. When they're done reacting, they always ask, "Why? Explain what you mean by that?"

It's really simple. First of all, as a job seeker, you have to dress up. This is where the exploitation begins. You're putting in the effort to sell yourself, i.e. your body, and you're hoping that it sells for the right price.

Next, you meet up with the interviewer in a private, publicly undisclosed location to discuss transactions. Upon initial introduction, he or she looks you up and down, figures out whether or not you're their style then asks, "What can you do for me?" and how much you charge for service. Now that is clearly prostitution plain and simple.

This form of prostitution is a grueling, time consuming process, but in the end no one climaxes. Unless you start having sex with your boss or co-workers. I don't have to job hunt; I just think I have too much time on my hands and I'd like to make some new sexy co-workers cause I do shit where I eat. It makes for wonderful stories at various social functions like with prospective employers at job fairs.

Editor's Note: Strangest Google searches that led people to this site are in italics, words in plain text = my commentary.

1. how to whore on the side - Sell your snatch during the early hours or on the weekends, take a separate bag of clothes and never pay for a hotel room with a credit card. Cash only.
2. pennis of most handsome men - I'm interested in this too, except I know how to spell penis correctly.
3. fatssica simpson - Hahaha!
4. ladies 1st time leaving house without underpants on
   
5. i like bubes - How long have people been spelling boobs this way?
6. is there anything good about size zero? - You can actually get work if you're a model.
   
7. girl morphing into slut pictures - Miley Cyrus and hopefully not Dakota Fanning.
8. are you ready for twins - Twin nuts? Yes. I don't like guys who only have half a sack.
9. eyebrows don't match
10. dating for two years never says i love you - Sounds like a bad fuckship. He or she has a side dish.

Lily Allen is obnoxious, but that's what many of her fans love about her. Here's Lily Allen's quote from Spin Magazine

It's funny because my boyfriends have gone up in terms of age and how much money they make. Lester was 20 and had no money, Seb was 30 and had a bit more, Ed was 40 and had a bit more and Jay is pushing 50. That means the next one's probably gonna be 60. I like them old… and rich.

... At the Elie Saab Spring/Summer 2009 collection in Paris.

Mischa Barton is so effed up!!! I love it. Her eyes say, 'I'm dead.' her hair says, 'I smell,' and her smirk says, 'You can screw me without a condom, but you have to pull out. It'll be our little secret.' Yeah, that's exactly what her body language is saying. And Kanye's just like, "LOOK HOW FRESH MY SUIT IS... NUFF SAID!!!!"

Before we pity the star for packing on unwanted pounds, let's remember how well weight gain-and-loss stories sell magazines.

"She's loving it," said a source close to Simpson, who suspects her weight gain is strategic. "It will probably get her back on covers right when she is a 'supporting' act on tour. I bet Joe (Simpson) has already sold the weight-loss story."

Do you believe it? Papa Joe is on crack, so I do. Jessica was wearing high waisted jeans, which does nothing for someone who has weight on. She had to know that she looked like shit, right? I mean no one wears an outfit like that unless it's a joke. I'm saying this as a woman who went to the grocery store this morning braless and gross, like no self-respecting woman should ever do. But I knew it, so I gave no eye contact and used the self-checkout line. I wasn't posing for the paps. Jess, on the other hand, has a glam squad. She either hates her life or the people around her hate her.

I wouldn't go so far as saying that she loves being called a fat ass, but the fact of the matter is that she will lose the weight. Jessica has yoyo'd before, this is really nothing new. Expect her face, "Diet Secrets" and "New Body" to hit magazine covers in the next few months.

source

Mother of two Britney Spears got her body back, but I'm not that impressed with that. She has all the help in the world to do so and 10 fingers from which she can choose to shove down her throat.

What I think is so impressive is that this ho obviously ain't wearing no granny panties, or any panties for that matter, and she's at an effing dance rehearsal shaking her ass - for a freakin' photographer to put pictures up on her website! Does she want new crotch shots? Did she glue her pants to her pelvic bones? I am so confused.

Anyway, Brit Brit's smoking hawt again!!! And I want some of that pelvic glue shit. It could really come in useful for hanging random items on walls and decorating. How come her pants aren't around her ankles?

After receiving lots of negative press, Matthew Knowles and Kelly Rowland have each issued statements about the split.

Matthew says,

"After a very positive meeting between Kelly Rowland and myself, we have amicably agreed to end our professional relationship. My company, Music World, will continue to manage Destiny's Child as a group. As an artist Kelly has incredible talent and I only wish her the best. We will always be family first and foremost, and as a dad I only have love for Kelly."

Kelly says,

"Mathew Knowles has been a positive influence in my career. I have had great success under his guidance - both as a member of Destiny's Child and with my solo projects. Although we have decided to part ways professionally, the Knowles family and the entire Music World Entertainment team will always be my family."

There was a recent rumor floating that Kelly and Solange had beef. Matthew Knowles said that Solange should perform at Fashion Rocks while Kelly felt Michelle should. Kelly said Michelle deserves it as both a member of Destiny's Child and an artist with an upcoming album release. Solange found out, called Kelly up, and they had a huge falling out.

Who the eff knows the inside scoop? All I know is that this split is way overdue. Never get a manager who is also the manager his or her own children cause guess who will always come first and receive preferential treatment?

source

Elisabeth Hasselbeck is expecting her third child.

"I'm pregnant again!" she announced Thursday morning on The View. "I'm due in August. I'll try to pop this one out before we leave [on summer hiatus], Barbara."

The 31-year-old and her husband, Tim, 30, are already the proud parents of 3-year-old daughter Grace, and son Taylor Thomas, who just celebrated his first birthday Nov. 9.

"We were thoroughly happy with the surprise of it," she said. "I didn't even know for two months."

The ardent Republican added that she thought she was tired from the hoopla of the election, but "No �" I was knocked up and didn't realize it!"

How does a grown ass woman get all surprised and say she "didn't realize" she was pregnant? Elisabeth probably uses that rhythm method shit, a birth control method I'd love to use, but I can't count past 18 so I would screw things up.

Congrats!

People