January 2009 News Archive (Page 4)

That's what Billy Bob tells In Touch Magazine.

"I'd like to do another movie with Angie, too, one of these days." The couple first worked together in the film Pushing Tin, back in 1999. Apparently, Angelina is also itching to work with Billy Bob. "We talk all the time," admitted Billy Bob. "She and I keep looking for something to do together; we just have to find the right thing."

Okay I would like to be one of those people that is all positive and says "Good for them," but I am not one of those people. This shit is eye roll inducing! I don't even believe that Billy Bob is telling the truth. He needs to face the facts and realize his career is in the weeds. He needs to stop trying to ride Angelina's coat tails.

Sometimes I feel bad for the Queen of Bitch Face. I mean she has her father, and now her ex-husband trying to use her for press. Then I remember that she is gorgeous, has a bunch of adorable babies, has oodles of cash, is philanthropic, and probably has an outrageous sex-life with her baby-daddy who makes bitches drool all around the world. I'm sure when you have all of that it's easy to dust off the scrubs

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After popping out a baby Amy Poehler left Saturday Night Live to start a new sitcom for NBC. The show is called Public Service. The show follows Leslie Knope (Poehler) who is a small town bureaucrat who works in the Parks and Recreation Department. The show also features Rashida Jones, the daughter of Quincy Jones. Rashida has dated a bunch of celebrities including Mark Ronson, who she was engaged to.

Anyway, Public Service airs April 9th at 8:30 on NBC, the same night as 30 Rock. Coincidence? I Think not. I'm so excited. I get excited for anything Amy Poehler is involved in. The bitch is funny. She doesn't even have to try. I've included some pictures of Amy and Rashida shooting the pilot episode.

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Salma Hayek and Colin Farrell were rumored to have had an affair back in 2004 while they were shooting Ask the Dust. I wouldn't be shocked if you've never heard of it. The only reason I know about it is because my best friend was obsessed with Broadway diva, Idina Menzel and she was in that movie too.

Anyway the pair broke it off because Colin was a mess back then, but now things are different with Colin being clean and sober. The pair was spotted backstage at the Golden Globes kissing. A source told Star Magazine:

"While they were both backstage, he held her face and kissed her several times. It was very intimate, not like they were pals."

Okay, Colin Farrell is notorious for being a huge slut, and Salma is a passionate Latina. If they macked backstage at the GGs, SO WHAT! She's a new mother who needs some romance, and he is... well, he is Colin Farrell. I wouldn't call them a new couple or anything. I will say that if they prove me wrong, they will be a PR nightmare; both of them with their thick accents! Put them together and you get cluster-fuck of incoherent English.

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It seems like every time I post for POTP there always seems to be new pics of AnnaLynne McCord.

I swear I don't search them out, they just pop up on my quest for news. I guess I don't have to post them, but why not? She's cute, and people seem to like her. The pics were snapped at a charity event at Saddle Ranch.

Sexy Amber Heard gets naked - CNW
Miley Cyrus can't prove it - WIMB
Congratulations Fergie! - CS
Dumb attention whore alert for announcing this shiz - CK
Russell Brand says he has sex with... - AB
Devil Wears Prada star strips on camera - OMG
How Pamela Anderson does her laundry - RR
Seth Rogan lost weight for nothing? - SP
Robert Pattinson should never sing again - B!
Tom Hanks apologizes for calling Mormons un-American - GB

Everyone is married. And by everyone, I mean your former friend, her neighbor, her little sister, her cat, her gay boss, her mother's ex-boyfriend, her mother's ex-boyfriend's son, and the kid with one arm and no eyes from down the street you grew up on.

So I contacted one of my former friends on a social networking site. Real specific, I know. Anyway, I wanted to contact her forever. You see, we were BFFs since we were four years old!!! She went to a different high school, then college came around and we stopped talking a few years after we started attending different schools.

I always knew that I wanted to contact her online. She was simply a click away but, fearful of possible rejection, I resisted. Online disses can be hurtful. Deleting a motherfucker is a virtual dick slap in the face. It's equivalent to a text message break-up by your lover while you're climaxing. It's unforgivable! It's evil! It means war! It actually sucks and I wanted nothing of it, so I didn't say shiz to her for years and it's not like people could find me on this site either, because I don't even have my first name on there.

But I've been making positive changes in '09. I've gone from not only thinking about the things that I aspire to do, but actually saying that I'm thinking about them too. So I sent her a message. She responded by sending a very lovely message back, but she also told me that she's married. Years after we lost contact she wrote to my parents and told them that she was engaged. I wonder if it's to the same dude? Anyway, not only is she married but her sister who is three years younger is also married. I feel old. Unwanted. Haggard. Do my uterus and ovaries still work? I really wanna be a mother one day. My time is running out. Kidding. There's plenty of hot bums on the street that I can choose from, I'm okay.

So she then asks for updates on my life. I still have yet to respond. I'm young. I have no need to be apologetic about my single status, but society teaches us that our ultimate goal in life should be to get married and procreate. Sigh. So I'll mention to her that I was engaged before. Sigh. Does that make me sound like more or less of a loser? I mean, I don't wanna sound like Jennifer Aniston. So... I'll just tell her that I'm a lesbian and the reason why I'm not married is because Prop 8 passed. Problem solved.

Editor's Note: Strangest Google searches that led people to this site are in italics, words in plain text = my commentary.

1. "and raped him" - Something a 10 year-old girl could do to Verne Troyer. Just saying.
2. do lesbian relationships last? - With the exception of Linds and Sam relationship, they have the same chances of survival that heterosexual relationships do. Eff statistics, make your own.
3. skinny crackhead sex
4. i love to pop pimples- With my tongue. Hahahahahaha!
5. "kelly clarkson has a fat face" - That's why she gets photoshopped to death.
6. fat girls beat up skinny girls
7. nipples playing - Hide and go seek. This makes me miss the good old days when Britney was roaming L.A. streets straight braless and on high alert.
8. jake gyllenhaal peed on lady - How does someone know about our secret love affair?
9. spanish are not white
10. how to get in her pants - Vaseline and a crowbar.

I honestly can't figure out what bitch looks worse. Heidi looks like a straight dude, while Jenna looks like a siamese fat ass younger version of Joan Rivers.

I hope she stays that fug post delivery. Heidi on the other hand, she can look like a man all she wants. Her career will be over within the next 16 months. Oh, it's time for her to drop her next "single" that will never hit the radio airwaves.

I just don't understand how Avril Lavigne, a 23 year-old married woman, still manages to pull off 12. Her tits are the only thing that gives her away, but young girls have knockers, so even evidence of post-puberty barely helps her.

Here's Avril on the set of a fashion shoot for her clothing line. Why am I posting these pics? How long have you been reading POTP? Because I love Avril Lavigne, that's why. I also love to proclaim my love for her on like every Avril post because I'm sure it requires some explanation for new readers.

Now onto Avril's clothes: She is so obsessed with pink. I love pink myself, I don't blame her, but her line is dated. However, the skirts are do-able and her youthful look is just right for her tween fanbase. This crap will fly off the shelves.