Dancing With the Stars Season 8 Cast

First of all, Dancing with the Stars is actually Dancing with the Has Beens. Most contestants go on the show as a last ditch effort to revive their failed careers. This season, however, the contestants are already successful.

Where do I begin?! Billionaire Steve Wozniak, (founder of Apple) is a contestant?! Does he need money? He's the definition of success. Then there's Nancy Fucking O'Dell - an EMPLOYED bitch, co-host of Access Hollywood. Jewel and her husband Ty Murray are contestants and so is Giles Marini, naked dude from Sex and the City?! Thank gawd, I will watch. Yum! Shawn Johnson? She's beyond adorable. I'm already rooting for her.

DWTS' casting is fairly predictable now: Olympian, athletes, reality stars, has been singers and musicians. This year has a few surprises, like I noted above. And I think it will be fun to watch. Lil Kim is already used to wearing dental floss for her outfits, she'll adore the revealing costumes that the females must wear. List of cast members via Entertainment Weekly.

Shawn Johnson, Olympic gold medal gymnast
Chuck Wicks, country singer who "steals hearts," namely Julianne's
Gilles Marini "Sex and the City #1 stud," which is a euphemism for "The Naked Guy"
Denise Richards, reality TV barnacle
Lawrence Taylor, retired NFL linebacker
Nancy O'Dell, Access Hollywood co-host
Steve-O, incorrigible jackass
Steve Wozniak, Apple founder
Lil' Kim, Grammy-winning rapper. Should have no problem with costumes of the "cutout" variety
Belinda Carlisle, be-all-end-all '80s superstar
David Alan Grier, Life With Bonnie actor
Ty Murray, PBR bull rider and cowboy eager to save a horse. Married to...
Jewel, singer/songwriter/but most of all, eloquent poet