Jessica Simpson is not fat! She is fucking hawt! Why am I pulling a Kanye! The excessive use of exclamation points is ineffective! Alright, I’ll stop.

One of my favorite Simpson sisters read the 44th annual Country Music Award nominations the other day and she looked beautiful. Just look at her tits! And she covers up her arms! Oh shit, the exclamation points are back! This bitch ain’t no fat ass Kelly Clarkson. Two Kelly disses in one day, I feel good about myself.