When Intuition Meets Paranoia
I have a confession to make. I. Am. Paranoid.
My paranoia is the byproduct of my impeccable intuition. I am rarely proven wrong about folk, therefore, I find solace in making assertions because my predictions seldom resurface to bite me in the D-cup. However, it remains probable that my predictions materialize into self-fulfilling prophecies. This worries me.
I can pick up on fakeness like a CSI forensic specialist can find blood at a fatal crime scene. I consider my intuition to be a gift, but I'm not tryna fool myself - it does not come void of substantial error. For example, when I am interested in someone, I only see and choose to believe what best suits my fantasies.
Once someone is on my Shit List, it is on such list that he or she will eternally remain. I am not proud of this, but I think I've improved at putting some Shit Listers up for promotion.
It takes a lot to upset me, and once you do me wrong the only way to remove yourself from my shit list is to rescue me from a burning building, pay off my credit card bills, fill up my gas tank and fly me to Chicago for a taping of The Jerry Springer Show.
Right now I'm grappling with the idea of overlooking my intuition and waiting to discover what transpires with folks whom I think are suspect. It's difficult, and I feel that my insights appear for the right reasons, as they should. Maybe I'm just being paranoid about being paranoid?
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May 22nd, 2009 4:27 AM
wow.. same here ... i tend to make perceptions on people and am usually 99.99% right... its just a feeling, and you just know... it sucks sometimes because I end up disliking people who turn out to be really great sometimes. See, I can't always be right.
March 11th, 2009 6:49 PM
I think I'm paranoid about being paranoid cause I just don't have the energy or habits to be a cautious individual.
I'm too busy to overthink and be paranoid most of the time, but it happens occasionally.
I just wish that I could be wrong about people on a more frequent basis so that I could second guess myself instead of swearing that I'm right. It's a cursed gift. Heh.
March 11th, 2009 5:25 PM
I have always known you to be one of THE most keenly perceptive people I've ever known and met in my life, FC. Not of everything - but a large number of things - and you should definitely embrace it! :)
We have all made mental and value judgments of other people throughout our lifetime. It's perfectly natural, and I've done it more than my fair share of the time, too.
As difficult as it may seem, however, often times you have to forego any intution or thoughts of a particular person/situation and allow it to transpire as is. Pick and choose your situations.
After all, overthinking and paranonia can be a destructive and it's not healthy human behavior in large doses...
March 11th, 2009 5:01 PM
...I'm scared to send up on that list. I so knew this about you. I heart you, but I think you and I are scarily similar in some aspects of our personalities (you'll have to take my word for that). I totally have a mental list too. I'm also hard to upset but can hold a grudge like a motherfucker if someone is really hurtful to me.