April 2009 News Archive (Page 9)

Brooke Hogan found herself a low rent Kevin Federline who needs to grow at least 8 inches taller, Yannique Barker aka Stack$.

Brooke Hogan seems really into her new midget lover as they filmed her music video "Fallin" on Miami Beach. It looks like a football is stuck in Yannique's forehead and it's way scary.

Stack$ has been in the game for a while and with his height and lanky frame, I don't see any platinum records in his future. When Brooke stands behind Stack$, it looks like she's tryna get him to feel her boner. At least she can read his back tattoo when she rides him with a strap-on.

Jelly Clarkson is back with a fun new video for her contagious second single "I Do Not Hook Up." Thanks to computer technology, Kelly Clarkson doesn't look like she's in her third trimester. She looks really pretty. The Texas native is so fun and I'm a BIG fan of her music. Like, if one could measure my love for Ms. Clarkson's music by the roles of fat in her chin and gut, there would still be a lot of fat left on Kelly.

Great song and great video!

It was only four years ago that Madonna fell off her ex-husband's horse, cracking three ribs and breaking her hand and collar bone! Fast forward to four years later and the buff diva has fallen off of a horse again!

Attempting to prevent the inevitable jokes, Madge's spokeswh*re is blaming the incident on paparazzos, saying that the horse was startled by flashes from a paparazzo and Madonna fell off. Heh. TMZ is reporting that no photographer was present.

But this is the gym freak we're talking about here. Madonna is still going to be working out tomorrow! Madonna's trainer Tracy Anderson said,

"We have our set training. She's like a professional athlete. She can't mess around with her training. There are no shortcuts when you're training in that way."

Her trainer sounds like one sick f*ck. There are shortcuts when you're injured. Tracy says that Madonna fell "on her butt," so she's totally fine. He also said that she'll be training six days a week, two hours a day, "absolutely."

This woman is just bone covered up in muscles. Madonna looks so tight, how is she even able to take a sh*t? The gyno's gotta use a crowbar just to give her an annual pap smear. You think I'm being gross? Those damn speculums are practically crowbars anyway.

Khloe Kardashian posted some photos from Britney Spears' Anaheim, CA, concert last night. Is it just me or does Khloe's face look flattened out and very different? Her face doesn't look as fat or long as it usually does and she looks more like a woman. Her sex change transformation is slowly but surely working.

Click on the thumbnails and let me know if you also think Khloe is the Kardashian member who got the plastic surgery that Kim Kardashian said was coming. She must be!

Khloe said,

Britney's show was all that I thought it was going to be! She is such an incredible performer and her body looks great! I mean, if I was constantly dancing my body would hopefully look great too LOL! I have never seen her perform live before but so many people have said this was her best tour to date!

Kim and I had the best time! She totally met our expectations. Britney is definitely back!

I rather go completely nude than be seen in Lady Gaga's uncomfortable and ridiculous boots.

Lady Gaga's laced up thigh high heels have the three U's: Uncomfortable, Ugly, and Unacceptable. Are those boots or are they pants, and what's their purpose and function exactly cause Lady Caca doesn't have to dress this poorly when she's already a paparazzi magnet with no.1 hit songs. This is what you do when no one knows about you or cares about you.

Gaga can not afford to trip over those boots and fug up her face any worse than it already is. She has nearly been beaten to death with the ugly stick and she can't help that, so why make your entire body match your fug face? Get a grip, woman!

Miss California and Miss USA runner-up Carrie Prejean spoke with Matt Lauer on The Today Show and Carrie Prejean says that she is a proud Christian who opposes gay marriage because she's following what the bible says. She also said that she would answer the question the same way if she had to do it all over again.

Perez Hilton also weighs in before Carrie speaks to Matt Lauer. Carrie spoke from her heart and the damage has already been done. I'm not so sure what she should do now?

Here's the official album cover for Eminem's Relapse comeback disc which drops May 19.

The picture is a collage of pills that create an image of the Detroit rapper's face. Eminem has struggled with an addiction to sleeping pills for years and his eyes look so sad! Me thinks another Bret Michaels impersonation would have been much better than this, well that, or a pic of Slim Shady laying out in a speedo with sexy midgets rubbing suntan oil all over his butt cheeks.

Thanks Rae!

Kim Kardashian does not like an Us Weekly magazine blurb that says that the reality star without a personality is has a "fuller-figure" and may wear XL clothing. Kim blogged about it so that she could set the record straight.

I feel that this clipping from Us Magazine is a bit misleading, so I wanted to comment on it.

I am a huge fan of Forever 21 and I'm very happy they have expanded their line to include a plus-size range, but I am not in that size category and this article makes it sound like I am! I am a curvy girl and I love my curves, but curvy and plus-sized are two very different things. I work really hard to maintain my curves while staying slim and healthy, so to be classed as a "fuller-figured woman" of extra large proportions is a little offensive.

For the record, I am a size 2, not 2XL. 

For the record, Kim is a size Horse Ass and Cellulite Thighs. Why is 2 the magic number? I wouldn't even mind if Kimmy said that she's a size 3, but her ass alone is a size 14!

Nicole Richie was spotted with some ridiculous scarf around her neck and her +1 while at LAX. This woman looks the best while preggers and she should get knocked up in the hospital bed right after her second child comes out.

She was also seen in a flowy dress with a cute little bump poking through. Nicole manages to only gain weight in her waist while she's pregnant, which really freaks me out. I'm gonna go ahead and guess the sex of her baby right now, and... drumroll please... Nicole Richie will be having a baby! Heh.

Twenty two year old Philip Markoff is an unlikely suspect. He's a "clean-cut, 6-foot-tall blond man" and a second-year Boston University medical student who's engaged to be married. But Markoff used Craigslist to find his female victims. Luckily he has been caught and charged because it sounds like he was just getting started.

Philip Markoff is accused of fatally shooting masseuse Julissa Brisman, 26, at a Boston Marriott Copley Hotel on April 14 and he is also expected to be charged in the April 10 armed robbery and kidnapping of a woman who was tied up at the Westin Copley. He allegedly bound her with plastic cord. Both women had advertised personal services on Craigslist.

A man who identified himself to the newspaper as Markoff's former stepfather, expressed his shock. "He's a great kid. I can't believe what's going on," said the man who identified himself only as Gary (and is divorced from Markoff's mother). "He's a very bright, intelligent, articulate guy. I just keep thinking there must be some mistake."