Heidi Montag Will Go Topless in Playboy, Hugh Hefner Confirms

After rumors that seem to have thrived for months upon months, Hugh Hefner has confirmed that Heidi Montag will be gracing the cover of Playboy magazine. Are you eye-rollin'? Why? She was born for this shit! Heidi already looks like she was bred in the Playboy mansion to begin with, so don't hate. This is a fake titty ho's destiny.

Heidi claims that she's going nekkid as a wedding gift to her greasy husband, Spencer Pratt.

The devout Christian will be paid $500k to take it off! Heidi will be keeping her lady parts covered, but she'll be topless in the spread. That means her implants are worth $250k a piece. The return on that plastic is better than Walmart stocks.

I'm really looking forward to Hedi's Playboy spread. I know you all don't understand why I'm in love with Heidi, but that's my b*tch! Her boobs are all implants too, there's, like, no natural fat in them. I expect them to be all kinds of ugly and deformed looking; and I'm overdue for a laugh at some girl with bad bubes because it makes me feel much better about my gut.