Shia LaBeouf's Freudian Desires

In the June issue of Playboy, the man who's hot but makes me feel like I'm into kiddie porn for saying so, Shia LaBeouf was asked who he thinks the sexiest woman is.

Shia answered: "Probably the sexiest woman I know is my mother. She's an ethereal angel. Nobody looks like that woman. If I could meet my mother and marry her, I would. I would be with my mother now, if she weren't my mother, as sick as that sounds."

I love it! Some people think this shit is gross, and it is, but I want my son to say the same thing about me. Better yet, I'd like my future husband to say the same thing even while he's secretly meeting up with his lawyer to find out a way to divorce my ass.

Shia also said that his mama would walk around nekkid:

"The nudity was weird, especially when her friends came over. All of them would just be naked around the house. That was strange for me, and it was really bizarre when my friends were there. You've got your little buds over, and Mom's, like, playing naked connect the dots or whatever. She's in the middle of goddess-group time, where it's literally a bunch of naked women tracing auras around one another's bodies with incense and then sitting together and humming for prolonged periods of time."

Shia on smoking marijuana:

"I grew up with a bunch of hippies, and marijuana was always around. Pot was never looked at as a negative thing. I could smoke it on holidays with my parents, and we were all good. I like pot. It has never been a monster for me. I can put limits on it. But I definitely saw from a very young age what drugs can do to you."

I wish I grew up in Shia's pot smoking household, well, minus the nude Connect the Dots.

Shia's Playboy issue comes out on May 15.