At first I got all giddy reading these reviews about how much Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen sucks, then I remembered that Megan Fox will continue to be featured on the big screen and in magazines even if this movie is trash. I want her to go away. Permanently.
Megan Fox will bring the boys to the theater and Shia LaBeouf will do the same for the girls. Transformers 2 will still be #1 at the box office this weekend cause it doesn't really matter what the critics are saying. Sigh.
One of my guys is seeing this with his guy friends because he like has to or something. It's kind of offensive, but maybe they wanna talk about Megan when I'm not around and talk dirty at Hooters, the restaurant they usually go to before the movies.
Why the eff isn't there a male equivalent of Hooters? My restaurant name suggestions for hot male waiters serving food in Speedos are "Sausages" or "Cocky." I could come up with more. but I've deviated from Transformers enough.
The harsh reviews are after the jump. I've highlighted some of the best insults that I'd like to incorporate into future posts about Megan Fox, which I think would only be fitting.
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is a horrible experience of unbearable length, briefly punctuated by three or four amusing moments. One of these involves a dog-like robot humping the leg of the heroine. Such are the meager joys. - Roger Ebert, The Chicago Sun Times
Revenge of the Fallen is two-and-a-half hours of top-shelf special effects deployed indiscriminately; a roaring, plotless, character-less mess that sees mainstream moviegoers as money-spending, barely sentient automatons. I want to emphasize the two and a half hours, because that running time seems downright criminal. It filled me with despair. At some point — probably around 100 minutes in, though I didn’t have a watch — I became convinced that the movie would never end. - Eugene Novikov, AMC TV
I hated every 149 minutes. This is so bad it’s immoral. Michael Bay is a time-sucking vampire who will feast off your lost time. This is why the movie is so long. - Victoria Alexander, FilmsInReview.com
Revenge of the Fallen is almost literally plotless. It’s like a movie based on a TV Guide description. A bloated, ponderous piece of s**t. - Devin Faraci, CHUD
Despite having lowered the artistic bar to Death Valley levels, director Michael Bay has somehow managed to figure out a way to slither beneath with the flexibility of the pole dancers-in-training that he prefers to hire as his female extras. - Peter Sobczynski, eFilmCritic.com
Putrid, offensive and life-sucking. Early word is describing this woebegone fiasco as the next Batman and Robin. Having seen both, Joel Schumacher has every right to protest the comparison. - Dustin Putman, TheMovieBoy.com
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June 24th, 2009 1:32 PM
One of my guy buddies wanted me to watch Transformers 2 (and I nearly went to the midnight screening early this morning) but I told him last night that the movie had such horrible reviews that it would be such a waste of my time and 10 bucks.
He proceeded to tell me how he never listens to movie critics, including in his words the "old fat critic with the glasses" (Roger Ebert). Whatever. Critics are actually my deciding factor for watching a movie a majority of the time and they usually know damn well what they are talking about, too!
And Firecracker, the notion of a male version of Hooters in my mind makes the coffee curdle in my stomach right now. My car would avoid such a place within a 10-mile radius! :0
June 24th, 2009 2:51 PM
The movie is going to be one of the biggest of all time... but after reading certain things online I am pretty sure it will totally suck. Ha.
June 24th, 2009 8:33 PM
Your posts are awesome. I would so go to a male version of Hooters. Let's start one!
June 25th, 2009 1:21 PM
@ Dollface,
Thanks, I actually censor myself quite a bit cause I think I'm too perverted. But I've been this way my entire life, I honestly can't help it.
Hope to see you back.