Monthly Archives: September 2009

Lauren Conrad: L.A. Candy Being Turned Into A Movie

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Lauren Conrad isn’t going to be missing The Hills spotlight since her novel, L.A. Candy, is being turned into a movie. It tickles me that Spencer Pratt says she fugged up by leaving the show, yet she’s the one making some big business decisions.

What’s even sweeter than having your book made into a movie? Knowing that the executive producers of Twilight are behind her film also. Temple Hill Entertainments Marty Bowen says Lauren has a great outlook on how the movie should be done.

Granny Conrad

“Lauren came to us with a structure of how to tell the story in an interesting fashion, that was separate and apart from the book. er book is an honest portrayal of what it must be like to set out to be normal, then sign on to become famous and eventually realize, wow, this isn’t at all what I’d planned for myself.”

Mad props to Lauren on her bestselling book being turned into a movie!

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Justin Timberlake & Jessica Biel: Split Up Or Not?

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I would venture to say Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake are officially over even though there are some reports that state they are still together. Normally when the rumor mill starts going crazy over a breakup it’s true, but the couple happen to deny it for a while.

Does this look like a happy couple to you? She looks like she’s been crying and no happy in love girl is gonna be crying when she was just treated to dinner. Sources say the two split up a month ago and while Justin was in NYC for Fashion Week earlier this month, he was “clearly on the hunt”.

He was also seen dancing with a hot blonde at club Avenue on September 9 to which Lindsay Lohan Twittered “So dark – where’s jb cheater?” Oh snap! That’s ridiculous if Lindsay Lohan is busting you out. Apparently Jessica Biel is having a hard time with the split and is in severe denial. Another sources says the two may still be an item.

“There’s no way of knowing if it’s a firm breakup, because with them it’s so hot and cold.”

Oh let it be over already. They’ve barely spent any time together this past summer so I can see why they would grow apart. I’ve always secretly hoped Justin and Britney would get back together! Why? I don’t have a clue, but they were cute together.

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Kanye West: Where’s My Chicken?

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Somebody muzzle this fool and send him to the pound cause he’s getting out of control. Kanye West has been throwing tantrums like a 2 year-old lately and it’s time for him to grow up.

Sources say Kanye got his panties in a bunch backstage at Common’s charity concert over the weekend because he wasn’t offered some chicken.  Kanye saw another dude eating some chicken and asked ”Why wasn’t I offered chicken? You want me to perform for free, [and] everyone is eating… why am I not eating?” The waitress said he never asked for it and he yelled “Well, I’m asking now!”

Once Kanye was graced with his chicken, he proceeded to take one bite and threw the rest of it out. What an a**! I hope the next time he eats chicken he chokes on a bone and can no longer speak or perform. You should never waste good chicken!

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Sarah Silverman Sex Tape With Jimmy Kimmel May Exist

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The sex tape you never wanted to see might exist. There’s rumors hitting the ‘net today that Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman have a sex tape.

The two supposedly made the tape while on vacation a few years ago and forgot to take the camera with them. An employee at the resort is attempting to sell the tape, but who really wants to pay for that?

Jimmy Kimmel White House Correspondent Host

In the 15 minute tape, the two get their groove on the boring old folks way, straight missionary style. I’d watch it. I’ve seen German chicks with pigs, dudes with horses and Asian ladies playing with each other while vomiting in a bathtub. I’m not scared of some Jimmy Kimmel action.

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Amy Winehouse Has A Spiritual Healer

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My former favorite singer who turned into a total crackhead, Amy Winehouse has gone back to her old f*cked up self and apparently there’s a man who can help her. Crackhouse met spiritual healer Peter Hippolyte during her stay in St. Lucia and is flying him to England to help her get back on track to getting healthy.

Amy Winehouse And Her Healer

All it takes is some hugs and kisses to help Amy clean up. At least that’s what Petey says. I wonder if he can hug and kiss the extra weight off of me!

Petey claims that he has “healing hands” and that he can talk to Wino and “explain things” to her. Besides explaining, Petey and Amy also get touchy. He says that they “hug each other” and they also kiss each other.

“I will use my hands to help heal her and use my psychological healing to organise her mind. We will say prayers together and she will drink bush tea with antioxidants.”

The only way Amy is going to stay clean is if someone locks her in a padded room and gives her three meals a day. Hell that may not even work cause if she gets desperate enough, she’ll probably rip up the padding and attempt to snort it too.

Amy Winehouse fries in the sunAmy Winehouse liveAmy Winehouse eyes rolled in the back of her headAmy Winehouse is always dirtyAmy Winehouse pictureAmy Winehouse is still aliveAmy Winehouse

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Tori Spelling: Hospitalized For Severe Stomach Pain

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Tori Spelling is a sick chick. I’m not talking about her shenanigans of talking about having explosive diarrhea and clogging a toilet on her reality show, either.

Tori has made a visit to the hospital twice this week after suffering from serious stomach pains. I say they’re just hunger pains and she needs to eat something more than just a cracker. Tori’s husband took time to let all of her fans know what’s going on via Twitter.

Tori Spelling gave birth

“Just out of the hospital. After a battery of tests, no conclusive answers. She still feels terrible. Hope it passes soon. She’s in a lot of pain.”

She needs to look into having the tape worm removed that has kept her so stick thin over the years. Better get it taken care of quick before it starts peeking out of your naughty spot looking for a better meal.

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Khloe Kardashian & Lamar Odom Wedding Pictures

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Something about a knocked up bridesmaid and getting married after only being with your man for a month screams 'shotgun wedding!' at me. Did Khloe Kardashian have to have Kim and Kourtney on the cover photo with her? Lamar should be up front and center with Khloe, not her sisters! He looks a little confused too, but he always looks like he's having a brain fart.

Khloe Kardashian & Lamar Odom Wedding Photo

Khloe Kardashian And Lamar Odom During Their First Dance

I'm surprised she didn't have Tweedledee and Tweedledum as part of her first dance with her new hubby. He better get used to crazy bitches because if he's marrying Khloe, he's marrying all three of the Kardashian sisters. Might as well throw momma Kris in the bunch too, and get all the different flavas! I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

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Diddy Is Not Interested In Threesomes

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I was under the impression men loved getting their hump on but Spencer Pratt and now Sean Combs have me wondering what the world is coming to.

After getting his rocks off with all sorts of honeys over the years, Diddy is ready to settle down with one lady. He’s had his fill of threesomes over the years and didn’t even savor the flavor during the menage a trois escapades.

Kim Porter photo

“I guess the things that used to thrill me don’t thrill me so much anymore. Intimacy is more important to me than sleeping with hot chicks. I don’t even know if I really savored every menage a trois I had. I don’t want to do it all over again. Love is something I strongly connect with, but it’s not something I’ve conquered. I really can’t sit here pretending to be the premier expert on love.”

The sluts that took part in the sex triangles had to be more interested in each other than they were in Diddy. All they wanted was to add him to their list of celebrities they’ve sexed. Star f*ckers will give up their poon for anyone… Including a hip hop troll.

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Spencer Pratt: ‘My Wife Has Me Debating Cutting Off My Nuts’

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I’m confused as to why Heidi Montag married Spencer when he refuses to have kids. Did they not have that little conversation before tying the knot?

Spencer Pratt is mouthing off about his sex life with Heidi and the thought of possibly cutting off his nuts. I’m glad he mentioned cutting off his nuts because I was convinced he has a vagina.

Spencer is so “scared” that Heidi will get pregnant that he’s “barely having sex” with his wife these days.

I’m not even kidding — my wife has me debating cutting off my nuts… I’m very concerned. Our sex life has dramatically changed recently.

His nuts are about the size of a couple jelly beans so it shouldn’t hurt too bad. Heidi should remove his balls with a plastic spoon for talking about their sucky sex life in public anyway!

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