Awwww. The art of being vague. When one leaves many gaps in a statement, the other party often walks away more confused than before. It’s a beautiful thing.
From the days of having my parents ask me if I’m smoking or doing bad things, non-Christian things, whatever, and looking them dead in the eye and denying it, I think I could pull off some stunts and deny deny deny whatever it was I did, and with such Carrie Prejean-like conviction, that you’d think I was a saint.
On to Tiger Woods and his carefully worded statement posted on his website on Sunday:
As you all know, I had a single-car accident earlier this week, and sustained some injuries. I have some cuts, bruising and right now I’m pretty sore.
This situation is my fault, and it’s obviously embarrassing to my family and me. I’m human and I’m not perfect. I will certainly make sure this doesn’t happen again.
This is a private matter and I want to keep it that way. Although I understand there is curiosity, the many false, unfounded and malicious rumors that are currently circulating about my family and me are irresponsible.
The only person responsible for the accident is me. My wife, Elin, acted courageously when she saw I was hurt and in trouble. She was the first person to help me. Any other assertion is absolutely false.
This incident has been stressful and very difficult for Elin, our family and me. I appreciate all the concern and well wishes that we have received. But, I would also ask for some understanding that my family and I deserve some privacy no matter how intrusive some people can be.
Sounds like Tiger is a sacrificial pussy-whipped idiot who’s trying to avoid another beatdown from his “courageous” wife, Elin. What a dork.