I can describe the New Moon premiere in one word: PANDEMONIUM! In fact, I am 100% certain that my ears will never be the same. Thousands of high-pitched, screeching, shrieking females busting out their vocal chords in unison for hours has changed my life forever.

Now, I wasn’t supposed to be at the New Moon premiere but those who know me in person know that I have a long history of getting in backstage at concerts and the like. It’s all about faking confidence. There were THREE check-in points that I had no desire to attempt approaching. So I walked past all three and just looked a security guard in the eye and walked on over to the red carpet, per usual, and they bought it.

The premiere was held at the beautiful community of Westwood near UCLA. Streets were blocked off. Fans and cops aligned the street for blocks. I hadn’t seen anything like it before.

Most of the celebrities and even Twilight cast members arrived in limousines or SUVs with tinted windows. But when Taylor Lautner, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart showed up – solo and in that order – they arrived in black cars with glass windows, therefore fans were able to spot them for blocks in advance and the screaming commenced and continued on end. In fact, it didn’t matter if anyone famous exited a car or not, fans began screaming whenever a vehicle drove down the friggin’ street.

Kellan Lutz, Dakota Fanning, Taylor, Robert and Kristen all personally greeted fans, but their personal interactions involved very few fans and interactions were brief. Fans had been camped out for up to five days, but how many people can say they were within a few feet of Patsy?

The New Moon premiere was like the second coming of Christ and I’m glad that I got to witness the hilarious hysteria, like the mother whose daughter wanted to leave but she wanted to stay. Ha! And the overall, tangible energy of the crowd was fun. I had no access to any of the stars because they’re honestly like Christ himself – way too many handlers and snobs everywhere and psycho publicists.

I think it’s great to get excited over something like Twilight if it brings you pleasure. I spoke with the lady in the top picture of this post and I wouldn’t fly from Hawaii to L.A. only hoping to score some tickets to New Moon, but if she had fun doing it and has the money to do so (I hope she does) than great for her.

I did see all of the celebrities that were there: Jennifer Love Hewitt (with her great badonkadonk and looking very hot), Jamie Kennedy, 50 Cent, Jennie Garth, the New Moon cast, the Glee cast, etc. But I only have a few pictures below because the paparazzi were literally shoving me out the way and my camera sucks, therefore taking pictures became useless. I think a great time was had by all.

And to everyone checking out the movie tonight at midnight, I hope you love it. I’m going on Friday night.