With the new year comes a time of finding a new love, and Michael Lohan is handing his heart to Kate Major. She's the ho who dated Jon Gosselin for about 17 minutes over the summer. I'm sure you forgot all about her, but Michael Lohan is bringing her back, b*tches!

In true Michael Lohan fashion, he even made a statement to Radaronline.com about his relationship with Kate, which is just normal crap spewing out of his mouth.

"Since Kate  secured employment in NY we have been spending a lot of time [together]. After all we have been through together we have become very close friends. The diamond ring in question was a ring I went to get  appraised for insurance purposes. The BMW X5 is a second car."

Having two washed up attention whore's date each other is just how I wanted to begin my new year. Kate really knows how to pick 'em, considering Michael apparently beat his ex-girlfriend and kicked her in the vagina. That's the kind of man I long to be with! Here's to praying this relationship ends soon and they both go by the wayside.