There's no need for me to sugarcoat, Kelly Bensimon is about as sexy as Whoopi Goldberg. Her skin is greasy and looks like leather, there's like at least one foot between her sagging breasts, and her belly button on her Playboy cover has given its 2-week notice and is trying to walk outta the photoshoot.

Kelly Bensimon of the Real Housewives of New York City isn't very likable either. She reminds me of too many females in Orange County. I'm talking about ugly bitches who think they're cute. So sad! It's an epidemic.

Kelly is delusional. So delusional that she thought her cover and clinging to a pillow would be hot?! Go big or go home. If you're gonna do Playboy, show some friggin' skin or shut your face and stop attention whoring yourself out when you're too uncomfortable to reveal the goods anyway.