I’ve always argued that being kicked in the balls is one of the most painful things that can happen to a person. However, many of my female friends claim that it takes a back seat to a solid boob punch. This argument will likely never be settled, unless that pregnant dude that was on “Oprah” agrees to be kicked in the balls, then socked in his disturbingly ample breasts, and then gives us a detailed account of which one hurt more.
Anyway, my point is that I hear that getting punched in the boobs hurts, and that’s just what Jaleel White, best known for his gratingly unforgettable portrayal of Urkel on the long-running ABC sitcom “Family Matters”, got arrested for over the weekend.
Arresting officer Carl Winslow says that after Urkel punched his female companion (purportedly his baby mama) in her left breast implant, he proceeded to throw her down on a toilet, hard enough to break the tank. This s*it is certainly not funny. A man hitting a woman never is, even if said man happens to be walking punch-line, Urkel.
However, It does raise an interesting idea, which happens to be kinda funny. That is: How ‘bout we start retiring iconic sitcom actors to some island somewhere where they can’t do anything to ruin the image that we all have of the characters they portrayed by being d*ckheads in real life? Michael Richards is dropping N-bombs all over L.A., Gary Coleman fell down some stairs after a lifetime of being f’ed-up and Henry Winkler is probably doing something lame somewhere, but that shouldn’t ruin our memories of Kramer, the Fonz or whoever the hell Gary Coleman played.
Thus, Urkel treating his baby mama’s fake boobies like punching bags, shouldn’t effect our… eh, screw it; Urkel was lame. Let’s sentence him to a lifetime of in-character mall appearances and move on.