In the beginning of last Thursday’s episode, Bethenny Frankel takes CPR class and can’t figure out how to put a baby in a car seat in a car. She also has her friend Lauren bring her newborn baby over cause Bethenny says, “I was curious to get some perspective on what a newborn looks like.” Bethenny is 39 years old, she freaks me out!
Later, Bethenny’s assistant Max Meisel tells Bethenny that he went on a date with a girl that he met at one of Bethenny’s events. He says he’s just telling her about the hookup now because “it was on the mad DL.” He then asks Bethenny to hook him up with some other ho and Bethenny is all giddy about it. Besides the craziness of Max begging his boss to help get him laid, the man literally broke out as he was speaking to Bethenny! I kid you not. He began his conversation with clear skin and ended it with a big @ss pepporoni pimple below his lip and a big ol’ zit below his eye. AWESOME! That’s about as real as reality TV will ever get. No makeup, big problems.
The next morning, Bethenny’s water breaks in the middle of the night and I finally agree with Ms. Frankel’s assessment that “Bethenny Getting Married is an intelligent show!” I, too, never knew that one’s water could break in the middle of the night. Bethenny says: “My water broke in the middle of the night. No one told me that! The movies say you’re standing up and it’s like Niagara Falls is coming outta your legs, that’s not what it’s like.” WHO KNEW?! I always tell everyone who has had a baby ‘TELL ME EVERYTHING!’ and then I start screaming, ‘THAT IS DISGUSTING!’ which is probably why they’ve never made it to the water breaking part…
Meanwhile Jason Hoppy and Bethenny are getting ready to go to the hospital now that her water broke and Jason says that he’s not ready to be a dad yet. He also starts laughing while saying that he’s excited. He can’t get off the phone cause he’s trying to call all his friends and family. When Jason’s in the kitchen with his wife, he asks, “How do you feel, mama?” He’s such a dork. The baby isn’t out yet.
Outside of the hospital, Bethenny’s assistant Julie tells Bethenny’s personal assistant Max that he needs to buy Bethenny some underwear, since she mostly has thongs. Max says: “Are you f*cking with me?” Julie also tells him he needs to buy a bassinet. He says “What’s a bassinet?”
In the hospital, Bethenny says that no one tells you that you only eat ice and she keeps bragging about how happy Mr. Hoppy is that he got laid this week. Jason also tells Bethenny that her mom called and Bethenny says that she doesn’t want her mother to come to her house.
Back to the labor. Bethenny is in labor for like a day now, like 15+ hours or something and she gets an epidural. I suddenly wanna get knocked up just so I can have one of those! Bethenny says: “The epidural just washes it [the pain] all away, it does. It makes the lambs stop screaming. It’s just like awwwwwwwww! You’re back in business. This is a party now. I’m at a bar right now. I’m at a night club. It’s New Year’s Eve, it’s nice. I’m toasted. I’m awesome. Word up! I’ll have quintuplets if they give me this stuff.” See all, I think every woman and man should get pregnant just to experience that kind of high!
Bethenny is then wheeled into surgery and Bryn Hoppy is born via C-section! Next week Jason’s parents get to meet their granddaughter.