People magazine just published a day-by-day account of how Lindsay Lohan has been spending her time in jail, and the report is a bit weird, to say the least.  Weirder, even, than I expected, and I expected it to be seriously, seriously weird.

Day one: "Lohan enters Century Regional Detention Facility in Lynwood, Calif., which is on lockdown, around 10 a.m., where she goes through a routine strip search. At 11 a.m. she gets permission to enter the recreation room to make a phone call, which lasts an hour, and leaves Lohan in tears"

Health and Diet: "After breakfast, Lohan is escorted to the laundry room and given a new set of shoes, bedding and jumpsuit. Another bologna sandwich for lunch. At 12:30 p.m. Lohan gets a visit from her personal doctor, says the source. Dinner: "scary-yaki," dehydrated tofu that floats in a teriyaki sauce, salad, bread, fruit and milk."

Entertainment: "Another way to pass time: Reading. Lohan's copy of Ernest Hemingway's The Old Man and the Sea was apparently confiscated when she was processed so the jail's librarian brings her a different book by the famed American author, says the source. "

Eating? Reading?!? What happened to the LiLo we all know and are grossed out by? This is a sad, sad day for coke-skanks and lovers of coke-skanks everywhere. I've always said, you can take the  blow away from the girl, but you can't make the girl stop acting like a coked-out blob of walking crazy.

Apparently, I stand corrected. After just a week in jail, it looks like Lindsay has become a quiet bookworm who chews and swallows food just like us regular folk. Who knows, maybe she'll beat the odds and rise up above this whole situation to become a strong, sober and successful woman, eager to get her life and career back on track and make full use of the talent God gave her. And maybe I'll ride my flying unicorn down South to single-handedly fix that whole oil spill mess with nothing but my huge brain and giant manly man muscles. What I'm saying is, it won't happen. Even on the off-chance that she ends up serving her whole sentence, a few months behind bars isn't enough to really scare someone straight. My guess is she'll go right back to being the kind of train wreck you can't look away from and end up serving more time before her 25th birthday.

It's a shame they took her book away from her, though. At a whopping 90 pages, The Old Man and the Sea could've kept Linds busy for the duration of her 3-month sentence.