Not only do the Shore kids party and fight all the time, but they also edumacate us. Thursday night we learned two definitions that we should all inject into our conversations at least a few times/ day.
They're back, baby! Photo taken by Firecracker
The Situation explains that "A grenade is a bigger ugly chick and a land mine is a thinner ugly chick!" I love it, however, I have to take issue with the women The Situation is calling "bigger" chicks cause the grenades on the show are NOT FAT, but hey, some men like their women thin and considering how obsessed Mike Sorrentino is with his down syndrome looking abs, he can be as picky as he wants to be.
The episode begins with Pauly D driving to Mike's house so they can drive all the way to Miami from New York. We are also introduced to Nicole Snooki Polizzi's "gorilla juicehead" boyfriend who turns her into a black chick via fake tanning spray because she doesn't "go tanning anymore because Obama put a 10% tax on tanning. McCain would never put a 10% tax on tanning. Because he’s pale and would probably want to be tan. Obama doesn’t have that problem. Obviously."
J-Woww picks Snooki up from her house and they joke about Angelina, saying that her "Kim Kardashian of Staten Island" flat ass better not be at the house.
Mike and Pauly D make it to the house first, then they hear a voice, and, duh duh duh duuuh .... It's Angelina! Angelina is SO friggin desperate, I pretty much cringed during all of her moments on the premiere. First of all, Angelina says that she wants to move into Mike and Pauly D's room. They reluctantly tell her it's fine. Angelina even says, "I may hookup with you guys one night sometime, but who gives a sh!t, who gives a f*ck. It's cool, right?" - Angelina said something along those lines, DESPERATE!!!!!!!!!!!! Translation: I know that everyone hates me so I hope you don't mind if I ram my tongue down your throat or bang you because no one else in the house will pay me any attention. Please let me sleep in your room.
Vinny shows up and it's great to see how well he gets along with Pauly D and The Situation. Vinny says, "Angelina lacks brains, so we don't get along!" Sammi is also back in the house with her meathead and airhead ex-boyfriend Ronnie. She's all tormented by his presence.
Snooki says that Angelina was talking sh!t about her and she'd respect Angelina if only she'd apologize, but J-Woww and Snooki don't say a word to Angelina when they walk into the house and see her. That night, everyone heads out to go clubbing in Miami and J-Woww gets in Angelina's face and threatens to kick her ass. It's sad to see. Angelina says that it was "three girls against one" and she wants to stay away from the girls cause she's "too classy" to fight with them. Uh, huh. She is such a loser for coming back.
J-Woww accidentally breaks a shelf and alcohol gets spilled all over Sammi's clothes. Snooki is then seen hand washing Sammi's clothes in the kitchen sink and Snooki says, "I feel like a pilgrim from the freakin' '20s washing sh*t right now. Who does that nowadays?!"
At the club, Ronnie manages to make out with two women at the same time and Angelina says that she has "so much sh!t on Ronnie right now," but she won't tell Sammi cause Sammi's a b!tch. Delusion! Women don't like hearing about their man "creeping," especially from a chick they don't like. If Angelina said anything to Sammi, Sammi would have yet another reason to dislike Angelina even more.
In summary: This will be one hell of a season, that's for sure. POOR ANGELINA!
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