Apparently Jessica Simpson is 10 years old and she like really really likes some, like, cute boy. Jennifer Aniston 2.0 has been dating a married and unemployed ex-NFL star named Eric Johnson for two months and she wants the world to know about how happy she is.

First, Jessica posted a picture of Eric on Twitter. In the pic, she's kissing him on the cheek and she captioned the photo with a simple "YUM!" Then Jessica spoke to People magazine about how she's "really happy" with him, and on September 5th she posted another photo on Twitter, pictured above, where she said, "I met a wonderful man. Damn I'm lucky!"

Most recently, Jessica posted a close-up of Eric with the following caption: "I have a major crush on you."

The woman knows how to kill a boner. I'm not dating Jess, but even I'm terrified that she wants me to put a ring on it and she'll stop taking her birth control to get herself knocked up. This isn't love, y'all. This is batsh*t infatuation meets shameless co-dependency and non-functioning brain cells. Good luck with this one Jess! It's time to get off of Twitter and start planning the next lavish vacay you'll take your married lover on where you'll pay for everything because, damn, you're lucky.