This week’s episode begins with none other than Wiggy Kimmy, Kim Zolciak, packin’ up her bags to get ready for her performance at one of the biggest gay fiestas of the year, Jeffrey Sanker’s white party in Palm Springs. Kim says, “Each of my wigs have names. I just name ‘em whatever.”
We then see NeNe walking “the new member” of her family, an adorable dog that she has named Playa. NeNe says, “Now PLAYA, that’s a real name!” NeNe’s so dumb and that’s why we love her.
Dwight then takes his greasy flamboyant self to Sheree Whitfield’s house to talk about the rumor he spread that he spent $30k on her fashion show. He brings his publicist along for protection. Sheree claims that she has “too much class” to get in somebody’s face and “scream and shout,” which is news to us considering what we’ve seen last season. Sheree tells Dwight that they should drop this and then she shouts “NEXT!” before tilting her classy head to the side and giving him a dirty look.
Wiggy Kimmy is seen driving in a rented yellow Lamborghini. Kim then has to urinate and she finds one of the dirtiest most rundown makeshift restrooms on the side of the road. Wiggy Kimmy doesn’t sit down and she threatens to leave her assistant in the desert if she shuts the bathroom door on her, which would block some ventilation, before declaring “THIS IS WHEN I WISH I HAD A WEINER!” Us women feel that way every time we’re in a public restroom line on the verge of erupting as dozens of men walk in and out of the men’s room with smirks on their faces, I swear.
Kim rolls up in the Lamborghini followed by a black limo filled with her luggage. Kandi says, “Kim has one single and she’s acting like she’s Lady Gaga already.” In their hotel room, Kim asks Kandi to sing with her on stage at the white party. Kandi Burruss has no backbone, so she agrees to do it.
We then see Cynthia Bailey in the kitchen with her sister, who is only 11 months younger than her, and they’re talking about Cynthia’s upcoming modeling gigs and her hesitation to get married. That was the extent of Cynthia’s appearance this week, which was totally fine by me. She seems to be too normal for reality TV.
Phaedra Parks then appears in the kitchen where she’s making eggs. Her husband Apollo Nida comes up from behind and gives her a smooch.
Phaedra says “I’m a lawyer, not a homemaker, but now that I’m married and have a baby on the way, I have to do what every good Southern woman does.” Apollo tells Phaedra that he wants to let her know how much he appreciates her.
Next we have some foot in mouth insertion when Phaedra says, “It amazes me how people can be so shallow. Apollo has been in prison for racketering. He is no different than Martha Stewart. People really need to get over it!” Phaedra sounds pissed when she says this, but she’s an idiot and she’s extremely shallow. She later confesses that her ideal romantic relationship includes lots and lots of expensive gifts!
Phaedra mentions that Apollo is biracial and was raised in a white household. Phaedra also proudly admits that she is going to physically abuse her child, saying, “Culturally there is a difference in black households and white households. In black households, there will be no back talking and if there is, there will be no teeth in yo mouth. This child will be getting a whooping! If he looks at me sideways, I’m gon beat the hell out of him.” At least she’s honest.
Apollo says that she doesn’t have to resort to violence. Phaedra disagrees and says, “Just remember this baby was your idea!” I’m already putting her in the running for this year’s Mother of the Year award.
Kim gets ready for her big performance and her dress is extremely low-cut and wasn’t made for a woman with big fake boobs. Kandi says, “The nipples were gonna pop out at any second and that’s right up [Kim’s] alley!”
Sheree’s 24-year-old daughter, Tierra, makes her debut. Word on the blogs is Sheree had her when she was only 14 years old! Her daughter is really pretty and kind of looks like Montana Fishburne. Sheree warns her that she is “too young and fabulous” to be a grandma. Sheree adds, “I can’t be nobody grandma. I ain’t lying to you. Ain’t no grandmama comin’ any time soon.” Ha.
We then return to the person who seems to be the star of the show this season, Phaedra.
Phaedra says that she and Apollo dated when she was in college and before he went to prison. She also gets racial again saying, “Apollo does not like very elaborate dishes and I am a connoisseur of finer foods. Growing up in a white household, he’s not used to all this fancy stuff. He likes canned foods. He likes packed meats. He just doesn’t care.”
Naturally people are saying that Phaedra is racist. I say, not so much. There is a big difference between “American” food and “ethnic” foods. Ethnic foods are tastier, in my opinion. That doesn’t mean that white households are filled with canned foods and packed meats. Phardra, of all people, should know this considering that she’s familiar with Martha Stewart, the white lady she said her husband is “no different” from. And we all know Martha could put many black cooks to shame and best believe that Martha’s billionaire ass and her ilk are “used to all this fancy stuff.”
Apollo says that there’s a lot of things that he and his wife don’t know about each other. He also says that Phaedra isn’t interested in “the simplicity of things.” Uh oh! There seems to be some compatibility issues going on here…
Just before Kim’s about to hit the stage, her dress flies in the air and she has to have her panties pinned to her dress. Never thought of that before, but that’s genius! Kim sucks as a performer, but Kandi gets the crowd hyped and made it a hot show.
Next week NeNe’s going to the doctor for her nose job and boob job!