Chelsea Handler and 50 Cent Are Dating?

Yep, you read that right, so you should probably take a moment to swallow the vomit rising in your throat before you continue reading.

Rapper 50 Cent and gnarled oak tree come to life Chelsea Handler were spotted hooking up in New Orleans over the weekend, and after Katrina and the oil spill, I think this city has finally seen all it can take.

I don't know why I'm so disturbed by this, but it's a bit like catching your grandmother in bed with Lil Wayne. It just ain't right. The thought of Fiddy putting his magic stick in Chelsea's catcher's mitt-like vadge is the kind of thing that makes me wanna dip my brain in bleach.

Maybe Chelsea's keeping 50 perpetually sh*tfaced, or maybe he's been tricked into thinking she's a catch by the fact that she's a rich white chick. Either way, someone needs to wake his @ss up. There's nothing gangsta about club-hopping with an eight-foot cougar who won't stop telling midget jokes.