Monthly Archives: November 2010

Lady Gaga’s ‘Born This Way’ Album is “The Greatest of This Decade”

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It sounds like Lady Gaga has taken a page out of Firecracker’s Modesty Tips book. Notice that? I fit my username and “Lady Gaga” into the same sentence, it’s what humility is all about.

Lady Gaga had a concert in Poland on November 26, and during the show she channeled Kanye West and let her fans know what’s in store.

Big glove

Gaga said: “I promise you I’ll never let you down. And not for nothing, the album’s finished, and it’s really f— good… I promise to give you the greatest album of this decade, just for you.”

… What Gaga said really isn’t that cocky. She told her fans that her next record is “really f*cking good” and you know her little Monsters will think it’s the greatest album of the century anyway. I believe that we could all sit here and list our flaws, but what for? Confidence is a good thing, although there’s a very fine line between confidence and arrogance. The fact remains that haters gon hate regardless, so you should always have that confidence card ready to pull out for whenever the haters start hating.

Gaga’s a genius, so she can say whatever the hell she wants to about her music! Gaga also says that the new album will be “deeper than a wig or lipstick or a meat dress.” Such a tease!

Lady Gaga nipples photoLady Gaga thin againGaga's dancersCovered in redLady Gaga's turquoise dressYellow hairGaga in tinfoil

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Jake Gyllenhaal and Taylor Swift Spotted on Numerous Coffee Dates

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I don’t know why some people need proof that Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal are f*cking, but the media can’t seem to get enough. Granted there’s a nine-year age difference between Jake and Taylor, I still think they make sense together.

Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal picture

Taylor and Jake have been spotted at a Nashville coffee shop named The Frothy Monkey on several occasions. TMZ hinted that these two are having boring dates, but I dunno why people can’t see what’s really going on here: Jake and Taylor are spending so much time banging each other’s brains out like midget pornstars that they don’t get any sleep, therefore they have to get coffee just to keep their lids from dropping down while driving around town as a new couple in heat.

Have fun kids!

Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal picture

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Bristol Palin Made $345k on Dancing With the Stars

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Bristol Palin is making a lot of money these days, and she has new lucrative offers that she’s currently choosing from.

Popeater reports: “Bristol made over $345,000 from being on the show and currently is getting $35,000 for each speaking gig she does, yet, all that is going to feel like pocket change if one or two of the big deals she’s currently working on actually happens.”


Some of Bristol’s offers include a multi-million offer to appear on another reality show as well as becoming the spokesperson for a middle American fashion brand. 

“This year’s ‘Dancing’ was up over 23 percent thanks to Bristol. Love her or hate her, you just can’t turn away. This is what makes her so valuable. Now is her time to make a lot of money and she knows it.”

I’m not even gonna throw shade. Bristol is not being rewarded for becoming a knocked up teenager, she’s being rewarded for being Sarah Palin‘s spawn. In this country, many are completely fascinated by people who possess no talent whatsoever other than not killing themselves off everyday in some Darwin Awards worthy accident. I’d like to see Bristol immediately get voted off of Celebrity Apprentice, I’m hoping that’s the reality show she’s in the running for.

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Kardashian Sisters Try to Get Out of Credit Scam Endorsement

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Remember that prepaid debit card with a picture of Kim Kardashian and her sisters on it? The one that allowed you to look at rich, good-looking people while you overdrafted your account at KFC? Well, it turns out that was some majorly corrupt sh!t and the K sisters and trying to put as much distance between themselves and the crazy scam card as possible before they end up explaining things to the Connecticut attorney general.

The makers of the card are under investigation for “predatory fees” and other hardcore Enron sh!t that will probably land a few rich white dudes in jail. Kim K and sisters wisely decided to jump ship and are now launching a PR campaign to remind everyone that they’re totally down-to-earth chicks who, like, even met a poor person once. Since the state of Connecticut blamed the Kardashians for endorsing the card’s “outrageous” fees and accused the family of targeting young adults who don’t give a sh!t what their interest rate is, so long as a bunch a reality show hoes are on their card, it might be hard for the sisters to get back on the public’s good side.

Kris Humphries "Will Destroy" Kim Kardashian

The Kardashians sent a letter to the card company terminating their deal and describing the money-hungry fame whores as “honest, ethical, and fun-loving individuals who are kind and caring to others.” Whoa. No one said the Kardashian sisters aren’t “fun-loving.” The problem is, they’re having fun with money they made by hustling poor people.

Obviously the sisters had little to do with the card’s fees, but this kind of thing is bound to happen when you reach Krusty the Klown levels of putting your face on every product under the goddam sun. So, I guess the lesson here is don’t buy anything endorsed by people with the initials K.K.

On the upside, the 250 people who already purchased the card will get a full refund and now they have a hell of a collector’s item on their hands. One day they can explain to their grand kids how they once got bilked out of their savings by a chick who was famous for having a giant @ss.

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Evelyn Lozada and Chad Ochocinco: Engagement Confirmed

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Chad Ochocinco and Evelyn Lozada of Basketball Wives seem to have a good thing going. Chad spoke to Ryan Seacrest this morning and he confirmed that he and Evelyn are engaged.

chad engaged

Chad said: “Yeah, man … It’s time for me to sit down. Enough is enough. I’m 32, you know, my days are over. I think I found everything I’ve been looking for in one person,” he told Seacrest, adding that she is “close enough” to being perfect.

“Maybe [we'll have] … a couple babies. You never know what’ll happen.”

And these two wanna star in a reality show about their relationship? I actually think their relationship could survive it. A show starring these two ego maniacs sounds boring as hell, but I wanna believe that couples can get on TV and still make it work until the show is canceled.

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Adam Lambert Named ‘Sexiest Male Celebrity of 2010′

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A British website called Flecking Records has named Adam Lambert the Sexiest Male Celebrity of 2010. Flecking readers and Firecracker share good taste in men.

Flecking Records asked its viewers/readers to name who they thought was the sexiest celebrity of the year.

The congratulatory caption notes that the London Times labeled Lambert the “first openly gay mainstream pop artist to launch a career on a major label in the United States, but don’t think for a second that this stops female fans lusting after him too.”

Exactly. I could care less that Adam is gay, that doesn’t stop us women from fantasizing about turning him straight!

Folks abroad love Glambert. His debut album “For Your Entertainment” has been certified gold or platinum in Australia, New Zealand, Canada, and Malaysia.

To earn the “sexiest” title, Adam beat out Robert Pattinson, James Franco, Zac Efron, Johnny Depp and Leonardo DiCaprio.

“Adam is famed for his supposedly controversial acts. Whether it’s snogging a member of his band, locking lips with his audience or smoking a doobie on stage in Amsterdam, Adam seems to shock wherever he rocks, but that’s why his fans love him, he’s not afraid to be himself and do what he wants to do. Adam is the poster boy for individuality. Oh, and he has an amazing voice, and he’s hot. A deserving winner.”

I don’t know what it is about a talented singer or a guitar player that gives everyone, male or female, a boner. Some talents are just so damn hawt. I’m not so sure I’d want to defile Adam if he couldn’t belt out a tune or gyrate his hips the way that he does. I love this man and I can’t wait for him to win a Grammy!!!! It’s coming.

Adam Lambert artWorking itHotnessAdam Lambert is a pretty boyAdam Lambert rocks out

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Rihanna: Still Talking About Chris Brown

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Rihanna is really milking that beaten to a bloody pulp on the night before the Grammys incident, cause the vixen from Barbados is still talking about Chris Brown, nearly two years later.

Rihanna in fishnets

Chris Brown’s career was ruined when he physically abused Riri, and her album sales skyrocketed and her career continues to flourish. She has a new album “Loud,” which is out now – it’s good! And Rihanna is still talking about Chris. This is noteworthy because every public figure has topics that are off limits and every interviewer is briefed on those topics. Chris, however remains fair game.

On Chris: “Sometimes when you’re on the inside of a relationship like that, you can’t see it clearly for what it is. I left – it was the best feeling. It was so freeing…I witnessed it happening to my mum and I said I would never let that happen to me – and then it was happening. Now, when I look back, it bugs me out that I couldn’t see it for what it was.”

On her sexy image: “Girls don’t like to see other girls dressed sexy. I get that. People see my ass out and my boobs out, so it can get a little irritating.”

I think it’s time for Rihanna to STFU. She has nothing of substance to offer, really. She urges other women to send their man nude photos, claims that all bloggers hate themselves – no, we just hate celebrities – and admits that she walks around scantily clad although “girls don’t like to see other girls dressed sexy”? Her head is bigger than the Goodyear blimp. And in hindsight she realizes that abuse shouldn’t be tolerated? Where have we heard this before? Riri needs to be nude or silent. That’s all. Get a new story to tell, woman. Talk about your new guy, Matt What’s His Face, and give us good quotes that we can copy and paste into a post when y’all break up.

Rihanna see throughRihanna up closeRihanna in fishnets

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Matt Rutler Introduces Christina Aguilera to His Mother

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Christina Aguilera and new boyfriend Matt Rutler may be becoming inseparable. The day after Thanksgiving, Christina flew to New York to see Mr. Rutler while Jordan Bratman spent the holiday weekend with their son Max.

“This is the first Thanksgiving she was without Max,” says a source. “It was really hard for her and she was feeling sad, so she decided to go to the East Coast with Matt and a group of friends.”

Matt Rutler photo

On Nov. 24. The couple were seen dancing, according to an onlooker, who added: “Christina was in a great mood and seemed very into Matt.”

On Saturday, Christina, Matt and a few friends went to Matt’s parents house and spent time with his mom, Kathleen. The source claims that Christina and Matt are “still getting to know each other better” and Xtina’s meet and greet with Matt’s mom doesn’t mean that they’re serious. Matt’s doing all the right things to get Christina to fall hard for him and she’s going right along with it.

Jumping from a five year marriage into a serious f*ckship is one of many things that sound good on paper. The Grammy winner better buy the “My Days” app available for Droid phones (it’s pretty much digital birth control), and hold onto her debit card and review all bank statements cause this ‘romance’ has Kevin Federline 2.0 written all over it. I think she may be suffering from Antwaun Cook syndrome.

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Kate Gosselin is “Sad and Lonely”

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Well, here’s a shocker. An anonymous “associate” of Kate Gosselin‘s spoke to Radar Online today and claimed that the broken down baby factory and reality show star lives a “sad and lonely” life with “few true friends.”

Kate Gosselin has no Friends

Whaaat?!?! Kate Gosselin seems like she’d be the life of the party! She’s a shrill harpy who made a career out of being a nagging b!tch on TV; she takes 8 obnoxious brats with her everywhere she goes, and her show just got canceled, which means she’ll soon be poor and even more miserable. Jon missed out on a whole bucket full of hot win, there.

Even the local townsfolk want to light their torches and chase the Kate monster into the swamp. “They don’t think greatly of her and she is not popular at the local stores, post office or car wash, because she cannot win people over and she comes across as cold and aloof,” the associate said. “Kate just finds it hard to be friendly toward people and is very domineering. At the moment she is pre-occupied with looking her best and keeping up appearances.”

First of all, she’s not popular at the local car wash? It must be hard to be a single mom raising 8 kids in 1954. Second, it sounds like Kate’s a real b!tch, so I’m just gonna go ahead and say this: That’s what she looks like when she’s “pre-occupied with looking her best”?! Goddam, I’d hate to see her when she lets herself go!

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Lady Gaga: Drunk With Anderson Cooper

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Anderson Cooper’s interview with Lady Gaga won’t air on 60 Minutes until 2011, but A-Coop has opened up about some of the boozy and unusual experiences he had with Lady G in London last month.

Lady Gaga and Amderson Cooper in London

Anderson gave hard-drinkin’ gays the world over something to fantasize about when he admitted that he and Ms. Germanotta got sh!tfaced together in a London pub during their interview. “We actually ended up that day in a pub in London drinking Jameson, which I don’t really drink,” the CNN journalist told The Insider. “By the end, I was ready to have the interview be over, because I really sort of couldn’t ask anymore questions.” Anderson has been cagey about his sexuality for years, but I’m pretty sure admitting that Lady Gaga drank your @ss under the table is a veiled way of coming out of the closet. 

Apparently, hittin’ up the sauce was Gaga’s way of giving the interview a more “relaxed” atmosphere. I don’t know what kind of Jameson these two were drinking, but that sh!t makes me anything but relaxed. If I had been in Anderson’s place the interview would’ve ended with me and Gaga getting “escorted” from the bar after our argument over the jukebox turned violent (“B!tch just put on eight Madonna songs in a row! Eight!!!”). Sigh. I guess that’s why Anderson Cooper is considered a “serious journalist,” and I’m, well…not.

Lady Gaga and Anderson Cooper

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