Charlie Sheen's Text Messages to Capri Anderson: Revealed, Incriminating

What do we have here, ladies and gentleman? A brand new, ongoing celebrity scandal, oooooohhhhh, and we're here to get you all caught up on it.

Capri Anderson spoke with ABC yesterday about what really happened behind the scenes the night of Charlie's hotel meltdown. Charlie's camp says that Capri is a hooker, but Capri denies being a prostitute, cause prostitutes are whores and she's just a porn star. Have some respect!

Charlie Sheen's text messages have now leaked, which reveal evidence that supports Charlie's extortion claims. Charlie offered to pay Capri $20k so that she would STFU about what happened. I guess that didn't work.

TMZ published Charlie and Capri's text messages, which were sent the day after Charlie's October 25th coked up hotel mantrum incident. Jump in for the smoking gun!

Sheen: "All I need is an Acct number etc and I will wire u 20k if u think that will cover everything ... I really feel bad, u are as cool and sexy and as sweet and fun and friendly as they get!"
Anderson: "u trashed my brand new prada purse dude not cool - how u managed to rip the strap off and put 2 holes in it is beyond me."
Sheen: "Don't worry about our mutual friends, deal with me directly and I promise u kind lady, all will be restored and set straight."
Anderson: "Yes u can call me.  I don't have a bank account believe it or not."
Sheen: "Oh, well in that case, lemme put together a plan to get u square and flush.  Can u tok (sic) for a sec now sweetie?"
Sheen: "Good news!  My asst Rick is good friends with a cat named Mark in NY, he will get the wire, cash that bitch, and deliver it to u where ever it's convenient ... I'll get the ball Rollin in am, and have data for u asap after that...
Anderson: "Can he leave it somewhere secure for me to pick up?  Like with a bank rep ... I'm rlly nervous about all this."
Sheen: "Of course, whatever makes u feel better... Lemme start that ball Rollin and I'll get back to u with the details..."

"U are as cool and sexy and as sweet and fun and friendly as they get," - Not bad, a-hole. Not bad!

"Kind lady"? - Very bad! Sounds elderly.

"Sweetie?" - That's decent. Could do better, but it works.

"Whatever makes u feel better" = Score! There goes the golden charm. I give Charles an A+ in Flirting & Butt Kissing 101.