Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap: Phaedra Parks Has a Baby Assistant, Cynthia Gets Engaged

This week's episode begins with Sheree Whitfield's 24 year-old daughter Tianna showing up at Sheree's house where she discovers Sheree's new black Aston Martin car. Sheree justifies her expensive purchase by saying that she "could downsize" but just doesn't want to, which is why that car got repossessed last week, according to TMZ. Oops!

Sheree tells her daughter that she's going to dance in a Stars of Atlanta charity event. Sheree's conversation with Tianna about the charity, and every conversation she has with her before and after this one, is awkward. Their embraces and conversations are strange, like Tianna was abducted at 3 years old and reintroduced to Sheree, only brought in by producers for ratings.

Kim Zolciak's parents have also joined the cast this season. I swear we've seen Kim with brown hair and a mustache (her unattractive dad) in every episode for weeks now. Wiggy Kimmy redecorated her office with pictures of herself everywhere and claims she spent $60,000 upgrading her daughter's room, but you know she added a few zeros cause Bravo only pays her $3k/ episode.

Nene Leakes arrives at Cynthia Bailey's house because her boyfriend Peter told Nene he would propose to Cynthia. He then gives one of the most unromantic proposals in history. Peter goes bended knee and channels Shakespeare, announcing: "Since everybody's here and it took three years. You ready? You ready. You ready. You not gonna back up? You not gonna run? You gonna marry me?" Cynthia says yes. Peter asks, "You promise?" Then he puts a ring on Cynthia's ring finger on her right hand and I am still trying to process WTF I think I just witnessed.

Nene said, "It was strange."

Phaedra Parks wants to edumacate us on the birds and the bees, so she informs us that "The baby is ready to climb out of my vagina." Note taken. Phaedra wants people to take care of her child while she's in the hospital and she explains why she has hired help. "Latoya can figure out all this milk and ointment business. I can spend my time buying cute clothes for my baby and spoiling myself."

Super fabulous hair stylist Lawrence shows up to the recording studio wearing some black Chanel heels, but don't hate cause "these are last season." Lawrence, a gayer than a drag queen in a fairy costume dude, says that the lyrics to Kandi Burruss' song are "real gay!" Lawrence also tells Kandi that Kim told him that she didn't like Kandi's song. Kandi is shocked and hurt. I can't believe she's allowing Wiggy Kimmy to get under her Grammy winning skin. While he's singing, Kandi tells Lawrence to "Ooze sex right now. OOZE IT!" Dayum, Kandi's celibacy pact is really getting to her. She's going through withdrawals cause its been months since she's had sugar rammed up her cooter.

Cynthia's bald head graces us again as she's seen shopping for a wedding dress. "Being a fashion model, I just can't buy my wedding dress off the rack. That would be fashion suicide." Funny how Cynthia's manufactured personality appears when she's reciting lines but vanishes whenever she's filming a "real life" scene. Cynthia thinks she needs help picking a dress out because "I'm a model. I can't tell if this dress looks great on me or I'm just making this dress look great." I can appreciate a humble chick. Props.

Sheree then pulls up to the Dancing Stars of Atlanta event and she didn't go into debt for nothing, so she immediately goes diva. Sheree asks the man standing next to her car, "You going to open [my car door] or do you want me to open it?!" as she gives him an agitated stare. Ha! He opens the door. Sheree travels with an entourage that gets her ready because "You gotta be skilled to touch this face." Nene wasn't around much this week, so Sheree is my favorite "housewife" this episode.

Lawrence is getting Sheree ready, doing her hair and looking at her dance partner that he decides he should bone. Lawrence says, "He gon go home wit me honey!"  As the event draws near, Sheree is forced to get ready in the bathroom, which Nene says is an indicator that the "celebrities" at the event are, um, D-listers.

Cynthia arrives to the fundraiser in an assassin wig that drives her new fiance Peter crazy. Peter tells her, "You look hot. That wig's sure got me excited," which is code for 'I don't need Viagra right now.' Cynthia's new hairstyle exemplifies one of the benefits of dating a black girl, you don't know what she's going to do with her hair on which day. It's like cheating on your girlfriend with her hot sisters and cousins, but remaining faithful.

Next we all get to see how Kim and Kroy Biermann began dating!! Kroy competed in the fundraiser dance competition. Kim spotted him from across the room and got an instant girl boner, smiling from ear to ear as he danced, saying, "The football player's ass was amazing. I've never seen an ass on a white boy like that... Unbelievable!"

After the event, Kim walks up to Kroy and says, "Can I just be honest with you? I never in my whole life seen an ass like that. I just had to tell you... Call me." I don't recommend flirting like that because I think romantic propositions should include some profanity. Like, there's a big difference between being "hot" and "f*cking hot." You also don't want to tell a man you've never seen anyone like him before, that's desperate, but Kim got her date and Kyle won - the competition, of course.