This is the kind of news that the phrase “too good to be true” was made for. The National Enquirer is set to publish a story claiming that Sarah Palin‘s 16 year-old daughter Willow might be pregnant! The tabloid isn’t saying that the middle Palin daughter is definitely knocked-up, but they claim to have information suggesting that there might be another scandalous baby and redneck teenaged baby daddy in the Palin family’s future. The story, scheduled to break in this week’s issue, says:
“The former Alaska governor flipped out after learning recently that her 16 year-old daughter Willow was not only having sex, but feared she might be pregnant by her 18 year-old boyfriend, sources told the Enquirer. ‘Sarah was shocked,” a close source divulged. “She felt like she was reliving a nightmare!’ According to the source, Willow began to panic when her period was a week late. ‘She went out and bought a home pregnancy test and was on pins and needles,’ divulged the source.”
Well, no real shock there. Personally, I’d like credit for breaking the story that Willow Palin is following in her big sister’s footsteps by banging random Alaskan hicks. Then again, since Willow always stays home while the rest of her family flies around in planes and kills animals or whatever, that fact was probably pretty obvious to everyone in the country who isn’t named Sarah Palin.
I know unexpected teen pregnancies are a terrible thing and blah, blah, blah, but god, I hope this true. I’m dying to see how Sarah will spin this story into some bullsh!t about how bears are taking over America or whatever the hell she’s trying to tell us these days.
My theory is that Willow is jealous of Bristol Palin‘s Dancing With the Stars fame, so she’s trying to land a spot on 16 and Pregnant or Teen Mom. As a bonus, she might also destroy her mom’s presidential hopes. She’s a genius!