Well, I don't know about y'all, but I've been waiting to see Sarah Palin unleash her righteous redneck rage on some unsuspecting wild animal since the day she announced her reality show. Granted, I was hoping she'd either pull a Dick Cheney and spray one of her lackeys in the face with bird shot, or that she'd get charged by a herd of caribou and violated by a well-placed antler. Neither of those things happened, but I'm still pretty pleased with the Three Stooges-style hilarity that ensued when Sarah, her dad, and some other old dude took to their shotguns and blood lusts out to the tundra to kill 'em up some caribou.

Tonight's episode opened in a dramatic fashion usually not found on a show where most of the dialogue revolves around fishing. Sarah took aim on a caribou, pretended it was Nancy Pelosi, squeezed the trigger, and got ready to blow that caribou's hippie brains out. But right before the carnage starts and Sarah strips down to dance in the entrails of her fallen prey, we flashback to three days earlier. Seriously? Sarah Palin's Alaska is gonna start keeping us in suspense now? I didn't realize I was watching LOST: Alaska.

So, three days before her epic showdown with nature, Sarah was just a typical insane, millionaire housewife getting ready to go off into the wilderness and make the snows of Alaska red with the blood ofthe liberal eliteof her fallen prey. This year, the slaughter would be different, however, as Sarah and hubby Todd would be going on separate hunting trips, "This year Todd and I will split the hunting and gathering responsibilities," Sarah said. What hunting and gathering responsibilities? She makes it sound like if she doesn't trudge out of the woods with 30 dead caribou slung over her shoulders, she'll be banished from the village or something. And when does the "gathering" start? Next week, I wanna see real time footage of Sarah on her hands and knees, foraging for berries.

Turns out, this trip is also special because Sarah's taking her along her elderly father, who she's finally able to take on trips, because she still has the travel Depends diaper bag that she used for traveling with John McCain. Like everyone else on the show, Sarah's dad knows who the cash cow is, and sings Sarah's praises every chance he gets. "She carries her own weight. Whether it's hunting, or fishing or politics...anything Sarah Palin does, she does it with all four feet." Well, nice endorsement, dad, but unless it's spayed or neutered, I don't really want anything with four feet in the White House. Women spent enough time on all fours in there when JFK was in office (bah-dum-ching. I'll be here all week).

Sarah surveys the food situation like she's friggin' Sacajawea and decides that unless they get to shootin' they'll never live through winter. So, she and her two-man posse take a 600 mile plane ride up north, so that they can gather their essential food in a place that's, like, more bad @ss-looking than where they live. They meet up with Sue, the "mama grizzly" who lives alone in a one-woman Manson family compound north of the Arctic Circle. Sue assures us right off the bat that she has "a lot of guns." Oh, that's good. I was worried that I was terrified of her for no reason. Oh, there's more. Turns out this broad once survived a bear attack and then went back and killed the bear! I thought the point of this show was to make Sarah Palin look like she's hardcore. Chuck Norris wouldn't look hardcore next to Sue.

Everyone hops in yet another plane to go to an even more remote location, and I start getting excited that Sarah's gonna disappear in the Alaskan wilderness like that kid from Into the Wild. But alas, they finally camp and, as usual, Sarah talks a big game like she knows what she's doing, but acts like she grew up on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. "We don't have the advantage," Sarah says. "The animals have the advantage...that is, until we have the bullet in the chamber." No, Sarah. The animal still has the intellectual advantage. I bet even a caribou could name a freakin' newspaper if Katie Couric asked him.

There's one shocker when Sarah's dad takes a fall (Oh, wait that's not a shocker; that's what happens when you take a 72 year-old man on a five mile hike in  the tundra), but other than that, the rest of this episode was like the Alaskan tundra they filmed it in - a whole lotta nothin'. Sarah's dad said that the sight of a caribou makes Sarah "soaking wet," which is pretty much the funniest thing I've ever heard in my life, but other than that, they just walked around the tundra for a while griping about the lack of caribou.

Finally, we get back to the dramatic scene that started the episode (after what felt like 14 hours of watching people suck at caribou hunting, I forgot that things started with a flashback). Sarah comes face-to-face with a deadly caribou who innocently stands there while she shoots at it and misses about 18 times. Then - of course, because this scene wouldn't have made it to air, otherwise - Sarah finally blows the little caribou away. Bad news for the caribou, worse news for us: If Sarah's willing to try and fail that many times, who knows how many more attempts at taking over the country she'll make?