My biggest problem with Katy Perry has always been that she’s just not hot enough. Never mind the insta-rection I get at the mere mention of her name, or the fact that I stay up nights plotting ways to murder Russell Brand and have it look like an accident so that I can slightly increase my own odds of getting a piece…at the end of the day this chick is just plain plain. Magical, firework-shooting double D’s and all.

Obviously, I’m being sarcastic and these photos fill me with 8 kinds of murderous rage. Seriously, Rolling Stone? Katy Perry just wasn’t hot enough for you? You put Keith Richards on the cover like 90 times a year. If the world can look at that withered carcass with no photoshopping, I think we can handle Katy Perry’s magnificent rack with no air-brushing.

Obviously, a lot of work has been done here, but I think the fact that they messed with the famous Perry twins is the most unforgivable sin. Some intern at Rolling Stone can’t improve on God-given perfection. I bet these nerds could look at a mountain sunrise and think, “It’s cool, but it could have bigger tits.”