Jersey Shore Recap: A Nickname for Mini-Vinny and the Return of Ronnie’s Man Tears

Have you ever run into your ex when you didn’t expect to? Awkward, right? Now, imagine having your ex unexpectedly walk into your house, which is also filled with television cameras to film a show watched by millions of people every week. Kinda can’t blame Ronnie for keeping his focus on the pitcher of cocktails he was mixing and pretty much ignoring Sammi ‘s unannounced return to the house of Shore. Dude probably really needed a tall glass of whatever that bright pink sh!t in that blender was right about then. 

Sammi Giancola Looks Pissed

“You look pale,” Sam told Ronnie when they finally spoke. She’s being sarcastic, right? As always, dude’s the color of a football that’s been in the oven for a few hours. “I feel like I just saw a ghost,” Ron replied. If he means the ghost of the peace of mind he gained by not living under the same roof with his psycho-b!tch ex-girlfriend, then he’s absolutely right.  The girls take Ronnie out to discuss what went on with Ron while she was gone (Anyone else notice there’s always a half-empty bottle of champagne on that picnic table?) and when she found out how depressed he’s been since she left, Sam pretty much had a Charlie Sheen moment. The look in her eyes screamed, “Winning!”

Vinny Guadagnino Face Palm

We learn Snooki‘s nickname for Vinny‘s wang (Moby Dick. Kind of unoriginal. A C+ dickname, at best), Pauly D delivers the most classic “Cabs are here!” in Shore history, and everyone goes out to the club. Nothing like two people trying to get over their relationship with each other by getting drunk at the same damn club. No way this can end badly. “Ron pretty much looks like a douche bag,” says Snooki. As usual, Snooks sums up the situation as only the foremost wit of our times can. Ron does look like a douche bag, but can you really blame the guy? Trying to get back together with an ex is one of the riskiest, most degrading things a person can go through. Doing it on TV, when you’re someone like Ron, who usually only cries when his ‘roid dealer gets busted, can’t be an easy thing.

There’s more drama in the form of Snooki’s jones for Vin’s thing. It’s gotta suck for Snook’s current boyfriend, Jionni, to see his girl so hungry for her roommate’s Italian sausage even after they started dating. “C’mon, you know he’s doing it on purpose just to get a rise out of you,” Sam tells Snooki when Vinny brings another chick home. Umm…my guess would be that he’s doing it because the other chick is way, way, way hotter, but what do I know? Vin once again proves he’s the only level-headed person in the house (Literally. He’s the only one without ridiculous hair) by saying, “Snooki’s being a hypocrite for being mad at me for having a girl. Meanwhile, Snooki hooks up with all of Seaside.”

 

“She’s not the type of girl that can just hook up with somebody,” Deena says, trying to explain Snook’s sudden Vinny obsession. Really? Because she seems to just hook up with people a friggin’ lot. Snooks recently claimed she doesn’t bang most of the dudes she brings home, but the fact remains she comes off as a chick who can’t keep her coo-ca in her sweatpants. Which is probably why Vin sees Snooki as an occasional slam piece, not potential wifey material. Well, that and the fact that she’s friggin’ Snooki.

All in all, this was a pretty strong episode, and we weren’t forced to dive right back into the Ronnie/Sammi drama, like I had feared. The Situation‘s cheese bed was pretty hilarious, as was Mike’s obliviousness about STDs (no wonder that Bristol Palin safe-sex campaign never really took off). That said, you know the show is running out of steam when a full five minutes of an episode is devoted to a clogged toilet. By the way, you can’t say “wifebeater” on TV?  We can look at a sh!t-stained toilet for five straight minutes, but we have to bleep out “wifebeater”?! Get your priorities straight, MTV. 

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