Never has the saying "You can't make this stuff up if you tried" been more applicable than when describing WTF comes out of Charlie Sheen's mouth. He even thinks so himself. Charlie said: "All these words just sound cool together. They come from my grand wizard master." 

We can not think of anyone as funny as Charlie Sheen. He makes the most outrageous statements with a straight face, and he bangs 'em out quickly just like he nuts on pornstars. It cums naturally.

Since we can not get enough of witnessing the effects of what happens when a man is "on a drug called Charlie Sheen," we've posted his most outrageous quotes, other than THESE ONES, and in no specific order, for you here. We wanted to pay our respects to one of the most bitchin' crackheads of all time, man! Who needs drugs if you sound like this when sober?

“I’m so tired of pretending my life isn’t perfect and bitching and just winning every second and I’m not perfect and bitchin’.”

“I have a 10,000 year old brain and the boogers of a seven-year old.”

“I’m sorry man, I got magic and I’ve got poetry in my fingertips, you know, most of the time, and this includes naps."

"The only thing I’m addicted to right now is winning.”

“Winning, anyone? Rhymes with winning. Anyone? Yeah, that would be us. Sorry, man, didn’t make the rules. Oops!”

"Defeat is not an option. They picked a fight with a warlock."

"I'm proud of what I created. It was radical. I exposed people to magic. I exposed them to something they're never going to see in their boring normal lives."

"I blinked and I cured my brain. Can't is the cancer of happen."

"The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards, all of them look like droopy-eyed armless children."

"C’mon bro, I won best picture at 20. I wasn’t even trying. I wasn’t even warm."

"If you’re a part of my family, I will love you violently."

On Sean Penn: “He is the best actor in the history of the spoken word. We must honor him as a national hero, period the end.  He’s got tiger blood, he’s got adonis DNA, he gets it.”

On prostitutes who've gone public with Sheen stories: “Yeah, where is she now?  She’s under a bridge.”

On what he means by saying that he has tiger's blood: “It’s a metaphor for having absolute rocket fuel in my veins.  That’s why people cannot process me.”

On possibly marrying the goddesses: "Let me say this about the Goddesses, I don't think the term is good enough, but when you're bound by these terrestrial descriptions, you must use the best term available. So if you think about it, dude, I'm 0-for-3 in marriage, but like in baseball, the scoreboard doesn't lie. Never has. So what we all have is a marriage of the hearts. And to sully, contaminate, or radically disrespect this unit with a shameful contract is something I'll leave to the amateurs and bible grippers."

On what he's worth: “I think I’m worth over 100 BILLION dollars, but that’s just on a cellular level.”

DO YOU THINK CHARLIE SHEEN IS SOBER?