I'm going to go ahead and pull a Dr. Drew and diagnose someone with something simply because I'm an a-hole. After finally watching Britney Spears' "I Am Femme Fatale" MTV special yesterday, it became evident that Britney is horribly unhappy.

Britney of yesteryear was a jokester who liked to laugh, be goofy, smile, and keep her damn eyelids fully open while speaking. In contrast, today Britney seems unmotivated, exhausted, bored, sad, and lonely.

Britney's team controls everything around her. Although she's 29 years old, the pre-approved questions and answers that made it to air on "I Am Femme Fatale" gave viewers no new information about the popstar other than she looked awful and the poor girl needs a break. Britney has many people on her payroll and she's a puppet. However, the difference between Britney and other top-selling popstars is that they're allowed to use a damn cell phone and they don't have to date their agent, Jason Trawick, if they wanna get laid.

I don't know if the old Britney will ever re-emerge post-conservatorship, all I know is that I miss the Britney we all laughed our a*ses off during episodes of her reality show "Chaotic." That was Britney at her happiest - silly, fun loving, free to smoke weed with Daddy Dude, burp, and brag about how she's already f*cked 3x for the day, and that was just in the morning.

Spears is a true country bumpkin, not the overworked and sophisticated star that she's supposed to be. I think she feels trapped and she can't even fake it anymore.

When you're recording an interview for MTV, a network that has launched and championed your career for the past 15 years, and you can't even smile through it, something is seriously wrong. We blame all dem cheese grits Papa Spears been givin' his baby girl.