Jersey Shore Reunion Show Recap: "I Love a Good Reunion This Time of Year!"

Ah, Julissa Bermudez. I've always thought the tower of hispanic hotness that hosts these little Jersey Shore Oprah sessions was MTV's way of thanking male viewers for not canceling their cable service and joining the priesthood after their first glimpse of Snooki's dimpled upper thighs. As a bonus, Julissa actually does a decent job of putting the Shore whores in their place. Sadly, she started last night's proceedings with a softball question to The Situation, "Mike, was this the best summer in Seaside?" "Yes," said The Dicktuation. Then why did ya sleep through the whole thing, Mike? Fortunately, she followed it up by accusing Mike of not knowing how to unhook a bra, so I guess I'd still marry her. 

So, Mike's still a dick. No surprise there. But since filming in Seaside wrapped almost 7 months ago, there were some significant changes in the lives of the guidos: Vinny says he has "nothing but love" for Snooki, but Snickers says the relationship is "ruined." I'm sure Vin's all torn up about it. In other news, JWoww is still in love with Roger, and Roger is still 57 years old. And, of course, Deena is still the definition of a hot mess, if you forget about the "hot" part. Best development of all, however, might be Ronnie's new nickname for Mike, The Instigation. Reflect on this season for a minute and think how little drama there would've been, were it not for The Sitch. Good for us, bad for the people who have to live with this douche. Everyone basically ganged up on him on the reunion show, and I'm starting to think he's been paid off by producers to stir up sh!t. Well, we all know what happens to snitches in Italian families. 

But finally it's time to answer the big question of season 3: What happened with Sam and Ronnie? For one, Ronnie cried a lot. More than we even realized, judging from the new clips we saw from this season. And despite reports to the contrary, it looks like 7 months after breaking up, these two have finally realized that they go together like peanut butter and mayonnaise. "I think we both realized this was a little bit of a toxic relationship and we needed a break from each other," Sam said. Yeah, Sam I think a few million people could've told you that months ago. 

We re-hashed the whole Ron/Sam drama, which is a little more tolerable this time because we know they're broken up and we have Julissa (the anti-Snooki) to guide us through. Also, JWoww came through to confirm what we all already thought: what happened in Seaside this season had everything to do with what went down in Miami last season. Ron and Sam almost had another throwdown right on the reunion stage, but held back because, well there's like a few hundred people sitting right there and Ron's at least mostly sober. All in all, the more things change, the more they stay the same, and I would put money on the fact that these two are back together before season 4. Oh, and Deena still insists she doesn't lick @ssholes. I know everyone was worried about that.