You may be surprised to hear this, but Joe and Melissa Gorga turn Thanksgiving into a ridiculous, over-the-top affair. Yep, though they’re usually known for their dignified subtlety and grace, the Gorgas treat Turkey Day like it’s an annual gaudy guido-fest, complete with 90 kinds of pasta, because that’s what the holiday is all about. I’m pretty sure at the first Thanksgiving, one of the pilgrims stood up and went, “Ay, yo! Where’s the freakin’ ravioli?!”
Teresa Giudice and her husband, Joe, also have difficulty reconciling the WASP-ish holiday with their Eye-talian roots. “In Italy, they don’t even celebrate Turkey Day,” says Juicy Joe. Really? Italians don’t observe a holiday that celebrates the settling of America? Sheesh. Learn something new every day. Not to be outdone, the Giudices also turn the national day of gratitude into a lavish affair that would put the wedding scene in Goodfellas to shame. Despite the fact that they’ll gladly get violent with their own family, however, Joe and Teresa’s sensitive natures prevent them from buying a turkey that’s still alive and having it killed. What kind of walking cultural stereotypes are you people?!
Before the big festivities, though, there’s some boring crap about Caroline Manzo and her boring kids. I use “boring” as the highest compliment here, because sane, well-adjusted families usually make for bad reality television. But don’t worry, Jacqueline Laurita’s whiny brat of a daughter soon enters the episode to remind us that Teresa and Melissa aren’t the only psychotic guidettes in Jersey. After b!tching and moaning about how she doesn’t like working and her parents won’t buy her an apartment, Ashley Laurita decides to clean her room, in hopes that her folks will change her mind, because apparently she’s 12. God, I hate this chick.
Then it’s finally time to celebrate Thanksgiving with some real G’s (Giudices and Gorgas). Once everyone’s wearing their leopard print and mink aprons, it’s time for the guys to get sh!tfaced and the girls to get in the kitchen. “The guys are like, ‘Where’s my food, b!tch?” Melissa says with a smile. I’m beginning to wish I was Italian. But, of course, no Thanksgiving would be complete without….a mechanical bull?! Sure, why not.
Yep, Joe Gorga rented a freakin’ mechanical bull and then nearly boned his wife on it in front of their entire family, so the Gorgas pretty much take the prize for tackiest Thanksgiving in history, but that didn’t stop the Giudices from throwing a sequins-and-booze fest of their own. Of course, Teresa and Joe talk more about what a “hard year” they had and Teresa cries in front of everyone. If they’re having such a hard time financially, maybe they should stop with all the lavish parties. Just a thought.
After desert and a bit more booze and tears, the conversations turn to trash talk. It’s back to Giudices vs. Gorgas for round 800 of “he/she hurt/disrespected me.” If either Joe Gorga or Teresa Giudice wanted to make up half as badly as they claim they do when the other one’s not around, this whole feud would have been over weeks ago. The beef was re-ginited this week over some BS involving cookies and a sarcastic card, so I guess we’re in store for at least another week of sibling rivalry drama. Why bury the hatchet when there are ratings to think about?