OK, last week’s episode of The Real Housewives of New York ended with the ladies at some weird gay snake party in Morocco, finding out from a fortune teller that Ramona Singer‘s husband may be cheating on her (Is is just me, or is this show getting more friggin’ bizarre by the week?). On last night’s episode, we found out that the fortune teller didn’t actually say that Ramona’s husband is cheating on her, necessarily, just that another woman is “thinking about him.” My guess is that the poor fortune teller saw Ramona’s eyes fill with drunken rage and decided to change her story, but in any event, it was enough to put Ramona’s mind at ease and return her to her state of sh!tfaced denial.
Fortunately, the damage had been done, and the original reading was enough to further heighten the tension between the housewives. Ramona accused LuAnn of trying to bang her husband, Sonja Morgan started crying about her own ancient divorce, and Jill Zarin immediately started telling everyone that she already knew Ramona’s husband was cheating on her. Well, why didn’t you say something sooner, Jill? Sheesh, why are any of these women friends, again? “I’ve known Ramona a long time,” Sonja told the cameras. “And I don’t think any of us want to see her single again.” Of course, that made me totally wanna see Ramona single. I can already see a spin-off where Ramona follows her daughter to college, binge drinks, and cougars it up with a bunch of frat boys. Ratings gold!
The next morning, some dude named Mustafa led the ladies into the Souk and I was sure none of them were coming back alive. I’m not racist, I just always expect dudes named Mustafa who wear aviator sunglasses to seize the opportunity to kidnap a bunch of rich American women. Hell, I’d ransom these b!tches in a heartbeat! Anyway, Sonja and Cindy fought over a seat in the van all afternoon (It’s not too late, Mustafa! Shove ‘em all in the trunk!) and the whole thing escalated to the point that the whole group ends up sniping at each other in the middle of a crowded marketplace. It’s good that a bunch of struggling African shop owners got to see what people with real problems look like. Where’s Mustafa when you need him?
Next, the ladies head to the desert, and Sonja provides further evidence that she’s about to suffer an epic mid-life breakdown when she starts crying at the sight of a camel. The rest of the ladies climb between the humps for a ride, but LuAnn’s camel apparently didn’t like her $3,000 riding boots because it tried to throw her @ss in the sand. Nice try, camel, but LuAnn hung on and the ladies eventually made it to some ridiculously luxurious tent in the middle of the desert. Apparently Africa, like most things, is pretty awesome if you’re super rich. Despite the incredible surroundings, however, the ladies still find an opportunity to bicker about something stupid and call Alex “Debbie Downer” for talking about her dead father. Damn, is there such a thing as being too classy?
After that it was beginning to look like the rest of the trip would be pretty uneventful. The ladies got a spa treatment, drank some weird Indian tea…but then, Ramona and Jill ended up in a room alone together (thank you, producers) and got in each other’s faces about every sh!tty thing they’ve ever done to each other (Surprise! It’s a lot). The two of them basically dug up the past and ensured that they’d never be friends again. And with that, week 2 of the Great Moroccan Housewife Adventure was over. Oh yeah, and Ramona talked about her loose bowel movements. Basically it was the classiest thing to happen in Morocco since Casablanca. Here’s lookin’ at poo, kid.