Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: Christmas in Jersey, Part 2

Ah, Christmas in Jersey - a time for friends, family and crazy-@ss fights! On last week's episode of The Real Housewives of New Jersey, there was some awkwardness at Melissa Gorga's big holiday party when Kim G (you know she's the villain, because she has the balls to be blonde on a show full of Italians) showed up with her friend, who just happened to be suing Teresa Giudice. The friend got kicked out, but Kim G stuck around to talk major sh!t. Fortunately, the situation was dealt with in a quiet and dignified manner. Yeah, right...

Caroline Manzo got in Kim G's face and kicked her to the curb, but as it turns out her son is best friends with Kim's son, so giving her the boot is sure to have major consequences. Kim, of course, did the wide-eyed innocent routine despite the fact that she showed up to the party with friggin' bodyguards, because that's totally something that normal people do. Everyone hates this b!tch and she lives to stir up drama, so don't be surprised to see her as a regular cast member next season, which is probably exactly what she's trying for.

Things settle down. Some old Italian lady talks about grudges and Caroline dispenses cliched wisdom on her radio show, with an unexpected call-in guest. Caroline's brother - and Jacqueline's husband - calls in to ask about his hateful b!tch of a step-daughter, who was probably too busy kicking puppies to listen to the show. Have I mentioned I don't like her? Then it's finally Christmas, so of course it's time for everyone to tell us how "As Italians, Christmas is very important" to them. Because, ya know, us non-Italians just sleep through it. Melissa is fond of reminding everyone that Christmas is "Jesus' birthday" because apparently she's 4 years old. When her young daughter asks how old Jesus is, Melissa weirdly responds, "I think he's 89." WTF?! Was that supposed to be a joke, or does she really think that? I don't get it. Moving on...

Because it's Christmas - and also a day that ends in "y" - the Housewives all prepare ludicrously giant meals and compete to out-do one another. And just like every other day of the year, Ashley Laurita acts like the ungrateful a-hole that she is. When everyone announces their new year's resolutions, Ashley tells her step-dad (who just bought her a friggin' car!) that she wants him to like her. First, that's not a resolution. Second, that's a dickish thing to say in front of a room full of people. "I'm really not a b!tch!" she later proclaims. Whatever you say, Ashley.

Then it's time for more b!tchiness, as the Gorgas and Giudices meet up for the holiday. Things get off to a great start as Melissa and Teresa basically call each other whores for the way they're dressed. Sadly, the "No, you're a slut" exchange was pretty much the end of the drama (well, except for Joe Giudice calling Melissa a raccoon, but she let that comment slide, for some reason). Looks like even guidos keep it civil on JC's b-day. Sigh. Maybe we'll get more of Kim G's craziness next week. I'm starting to love that b!tch.