It’s the season finale of Basketball Wives, and even though punches thrown in this episode = 0, drinks thrown = 2, so all is not lost! We don’t need to say goodbye to the girls feeling unsatisfied!
In the first few minutes, they sweep up the previous anticlimactic (AKA nonexistent) lunch between Jennifer Williams and Royce. After Jen stands her up, Royce also decides she doesn’t want to work things out. Meanwhile, Suzie just eats her lunch and shrugs complacently instead of delving into fix-it mode. With a reaction like that, if there’s anyone to congratulate, it’s her.
Shaunie meets with shoe company Chinese Laundry because she wants to start her own affordable footwear line. We find out she closed the deal later in this episode. Yea, Shaunie! For being the most classy–and therefore most boring–broad on this show, way to pimp your own sh!t out!
Jen is having her divorce party, and Suzie is the perfect companion for picking out and decorating cakes. They go through a bunch of ideas, most involving blood and decapitation. Hey, if I were married to Eric Williams for four years, I’d probably be that murderous too.
Evelyn Lozada is less giggly–though still stabby–because she saw her fiance Chad eating at a restaurant with another woman. She doesn’t trust other gold digging hoes that aren’t her and wants Chad to give her a heads up when he does stuff like this so she doesn’t look like a fool. Chad doesn’t care about what other people say and thinks Evelyn should trust him. In the end, her vagina wins (at least, I think). He apologizes and she cracks a smile and he diffuses the tension by (jokingly?) trying to get her to f**k him.
Jen prepares for her divorce party by getting her makeup done and pre-gaming with Evelyn. She explains her divorce party is all about “being free and independent.” But really, it’s just about getting drunk. Meanwhile, her soon-to-be ex-husband, Eric, claims that he also wants to be done with the divorce quickly. We’ll see about that.
When the girls hit the club–minus Meeka Claxton and Royce, of course–we finally get a look at the divorce cake. It is a beautiful confection that resembles a wedding cake, except with Jen up top holding her ex’s head and knife, with blood dripping down to the rest of this body at the bottom, a deflated basketball over his crotch. “I personally think this cake represented what she really wanted to do to Eric!” Tami exclaims. Which is probably most definitely true.
Then other people start arriving, including sparkly Al Reynolds and Jen’s maybe-man, Will. When Will comes up and kisses her, the rest of the girls have a giggle fit like they’re twelve and Jen just got asked to slow dance. The lovebirds settle in a more private area, but the rest of the girls stalker creep on them as they start going at it. Tami thinks Jen needs to put some more tongue in there and “step up her kissing game.” But it’s okay–she does! And they all hoot ‘n holler as the two start making out.
Next, Al wheels in a pinata of her ex with a large-@ss head, which Jen energetically bashes to oblivion. The rain of prophylactics, candy, money, and lube equals happy-time for everyone present. Someone thinks it’s a good idea to let drunk Jennifer hold a knife to cut her divorce cake and she starts rabidly stabbing pinata-Eric in his basketball (AKA penis). Everyone is scared. Things devolve as Jen starts making out with Will more fiercely on the dance floor, but she ends the night sweetly, if not fully sober. “We might fight, we might argue,” she drunkenly slurs to her girlfriends. “But I love all of you.” Aw, how cute.
The reality of her divorce sinks in, however, when Jen meets up with Eric because he hasn’t responded to a letter her attorney sent him. He denies ever getting the letter, to which Jen rolls her eyes because she’s convinced he just doesn’t want her to move on. They start fighting about other things and when he gets up and leaves, she says, “Whatever, keep it moving,” and throws a drink in his general direction. Apparently, that doesn’t sit well with him. Eric comes back, gets all up in her face and taunts her, “You gotta be real careful.” It’s a warning. Next thing you know, he throws her drink point blank at her face!
Jen’s in shock for a moment before calmly rising from her seat and telling him, “I will f**k you up.” And she’s about to catch up to him until some stupid person makes her stop. Really? That person should have just handed Jen her BFF-knife from earlier! We know Jen wants to slap that patented dumb-@ss look off Eric’s face, but instead she’s just left to sit, wiping away martini and tears. It really is sad, just like the end of this season. Good thing for us, we’ve still got a reunion show to look forward to. Sorry, Jen!