Jersey Shore Recap: The Situation vs. Ronnie Fight, "Let's Do It!"

"It was supposed to be a menage a twin, but my whole menagerie went awry," said Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino at the start of last night's episode of Jersey Shore. Understandably, he wants to remove all evidence of the drunken slores known as the Taltos twins on the morning after his failed threesome attempt. Only problem is, Erica (the "virgin" twin) refuses to leave. Sigh. Looks like we're gonna be stuck with these chicks for a while. The rest of the housemates compare notes on last week's bizarre twinfestation, and are shocked to find out about the bi-curious robbery that Deena Nicole pulled on Vinny. Meanwhile, I was shocked to find out that you can't say "went down on" or make oral sex sound effects on MTV. Isn't this the network that brought us Skins?

But the invasion of the cold sore twins wasn't the only event of the night before that needed to be discussed. Mike is still claiming that he hooked up with Snooki, and Snickers is still vehemently denying it. I gotta say, after listening to Mike plead his case in the sober light of day, I think he's telling the truth. I don't necessarily think that Snooki is lying, but she does have a lot to lose if the truth comes out and knowing Shnooks, she was probably black out sh!tfaced at the time. So it seems that Mike will continue in his quest to "bring the truth to the people." Yes, quotes like that can only come from one of the world's biggest d-bags, but while he was spilling intimate details to prove his side of the story, Snooki was just repeatedly calling him a douche and talking about the time she drunkenly "licked a nipple." Advantage: Sitch.

Fortunately for Snooki, her boyfriend, Jionni, is the understanding type, and he believes her that Mike is full of sh!t. Apparently, he's visiting her in three weeks, during which time Mike will presumably hide under his bed until he's certain dude has left the country. Needless to say, that night's Sunday dinner was an awkward one highlighted by Mike's observation that Deena now has "a criminal record of cockblocking" and that her latest offense "will be on her record for at least seven years." As an act of vengeance, Vinny and Pauly D decided to move Deena's bed into the living room, but little did they know she was already near the breaking point after getting ripped on all through dinner. For some reason, the sight of her bed in the wrong room causes her to royally lose her sh!t, and not in the fun Jersey Shore way, but in the sad "human being with emotions having an anxiety attack" way.

Deena seems seconds away from pulling an Angelina, which would be totally fine with me at this point, as she's slowly going from blast in a glass to full-time Debbie downer. But then JWoww convinces her to sit down and talk to Vinny and Pauly, but instead of apologizing, they actually flip the script and get her to beg them for forgiveness. These dudes have game. It seems Deena has been having a hard time in Italy, but her troubles are just beginning as the next morning is the crew's first day of pretending to work at a nearby pizzeria. Hope you like your pies with bronzer and extensions on them, Florence! Naturally, the girls hate their new "job" and get caught boozin' on day one, while Pauly takes full advantage of the opportunity to spit game at the local talent. So basically it's the Shore Store, Italian style. But no amount of amount time in the kitchen can prepare these innocent guidos for the way things are about to heat up at home...

In the midst of all this drama, it's easy to forget that things appeared to actually be going well between Ron and Sammi. They seemed to have put their troubled past behind them and looked as though they were finally ready for a stable, adult relationship. Then they remembered alcohol exists. "Me and Sam talking when we're drunk is like throwing kerosene on a fire," says Ron during one of his and Sam's sh!tfaced club fights that resulted in their 4,000th break-up. This time, however, the fire threatens to engulf the whole house, as Sammi attempts to take the pressure off of herself by placing it on Mike.

Because, Ron is (in Pauly's words) "what happens when you take steroids" he gets irrationally pissed and decides to take his drunken 'roid rage out on Mike, who, for once actually seems to have done nothing wrong.  So this is the moment we've been waiting for since we first heard news of it last May. The Situation vs. Ronnie fight. Of course, the people at MTV aren't stupid so they've saved the bulk of the throwdown for Sunday's pre-VMA episode of Shore. Check back then for our round-by round analysis.