Levi Johnston, arguably the world’s most famous redneck baby daddy, has a younger sister, Mercede, who used her brother’s fame to land a nude photo spread in next month’s issue of Playboy. Needless to say, Levi and Mercede are backwoods, white trash hicks of the highest order. And yet I love them. Why? Because the only thing they hate more than fancy book learnin’ is Sarah Palin.

The Johnstons have essentially launched a campaign to destroy Sarah’s reputation and political career, and in her Playboy interview, Mercede dealt a few more crushing blows. For example, when asked what kind of President Sarah would be, Mercede responded, “I think she’d have had a mental breakdown … As governor she quit on us.” She added that the residents of Sarah’s hometown of Wasilla, Alaska “can’t stand Palin…I would say 70 percent.” But she saved her harshest words for Sarah’s Teen Mom reject of a daughter, Bristol Palin.

“She and Levi planned it. They were trying to conceive for months,” Mercede said of Bristol’s supposedly accidental pregnancy, which Bristol previously claimed was the result of Levi forcing himself on her. But according to Mercede, Bristol had a change of heart soon after getting knocked up. Mercede says Bristol once texted Levi, “Ever since the moment I found out I was pregnant, I prayed to God you weren’t the father.” Wait, so there’s a chance Levi wasn’t the father? Yup. Mercede added, “Levi never liked [Bristol] to drink because it made her more promiscuous.” Daaaaayum.

Jesus, with all the drama and ridiculous names, I feel like I’m recapping the worst soap opera ever written. The point is, Bristol and Sarah Palin are both lying idiots whom we should all just ignore until they go away.