Jersey Shore Recap: Drunk Meatballs on the Florence Shore

"Finally, I'm useful for something," said Snooki in the season 4 premiere of Jersey Shore, when she realized most of her roommates couldn't drive a stick shift. Of course, we all know how that turned out. But before Snooks could endanger the fine folks of Florence with her terrifying attempt at operating a motor vehicle, she and her roommates have to arrange a road trip to their home away from home - Riccione, aka, the Italian Shore. They secure some time off from the pizzeria where they "work" and Snooks gets in another fight with Jionni, who appears to be going for the title of biggest d-bag on Shore. Good luck with that one, buddy.

"8 bags of luggage, two Fiats, you do the math," says Pauly D, demonstrating that there are some brains under that blow-out. Snooki, on the other hand demonstrates that she has a Snooki-like understanding of geography when she describes the beautiful seaside town they arrive in as "like a border of a continent. You know what I mean? So it's, like, by the ocean." Good thing she's looking better these days, because she seems to be getting dumber with each season.

After a sighting of The Situation's long-lost Italian twin (Il Situone), Snooki and Deena Nicole proceed to get incredibly hammered, even by Snooki and Deena Nicole standards. Sammi and JWoww get annoyed (as does the entire town of Riccione) and leave Team Meatball to get sh!tfaced on their own. And get sh!tfaced they do. "Team Meatball can handle anything when it comes to alcohol," says Snooki. "We're gonna go mad hard all day, then go hard at the club at night." But the rest of the cast offers different predictions. "The meatballs aren't making it to the sauce," says The Sitch, speculating along with anyone who watched tonight's episode that Snooks and Deena wouldn't even make it to dinner, much less to the club.

The girls drink and dance until their "underwears" come off (literally) and show up about two hours late for dinner. But amazingly, they're still standing when it's time to hit the club. Somewhere, Lindsay Lohan bowed before her new idols. Once they arrive at the club, Deena wastes no time showing Riccione what an all-American unkempt vagina looks like. "All I know is she needs a wax," says JWoww, who sounds hilariously like a middle-aged soccer mom when she shrieks, "She has no underwear on!" Naturally, this day-long female bonding binge leads to a public girl-on-girl make-out session or, as Jenni puts it, "Nicole and Deena are digesting each other's tongues." The girls end up going to bed together, and from the looks of them the next morning - passed out next to each other still in last night's club clothes - you just know one of them is gonna injure some cops in the near future...

But first, a new addition to the Jersey Shore lexicon. "Swacking" or swagger jacking, is a phenomenon in which a friend imitates one's trademark mannerisms. I'll use it in a sentence: When Ronnie starts stealing Pauly D's signature catchphrases, Pauly is pissed to realize he's been swacked. "I think he's just trying to find himself," says Mike in Ronnie's defense. More likely, he's realized he's the most boring dude on Shore and his rage is his defining personality trait. I'd start saying "Awwww yeaaaah," a lot too if I were in Ron's shoes.

"I need a food," Deena mumbles when she wakes up the next afternoon stinking of "sweat and regret." "You didn't eat enough last night?" Vinny responds in what might be the one-liner of the season. Hilarious put-downs aside, Deena and Snooks were both clearly blacked-out for most of the night and have no memory of their epic three-hour hook-up session. Given that her boyfriend was already on the verge of breaking up with her for her drunken shenanigans, Snooki is understandably nervous about calling him. Amazingly, though, Jionni doesn't take her up on the opportunity to be a douche. He's actually cool with it. But Snooki is far from done effing up...

She and Deena decide to head to the gym to sweat out the 40,000 slippery nipples they guzzled over the weekend, but karma's a b!tch, and Deena has to pay for the crime of subjecting innocent Italians to the sight of her overgrown kooka. Snooki slams her Fiat into a cop car. Naturally, she doesn't have her license on her, so the boys come to her rescue yet again. No one appears to have been seriously injured, but the episode ends with cops being strapped to stretchers and Snooki climbing into the back of a police car. Tough times for Team Meatball.