Jersey Shore Recap: Jionni Is Still a Jerk, Snooki and Vinny Get It In Again

"I get it, I'm a lot to handle," a hungover Snooki told the confessional camera at the start of last night's Jersey Shore. She's right; she is a lot to handle, but her actions of the previous night were pretty tame by Snooki standards and her gay guido man, Jionni LaValle proved he's an unbelievable douche by taking off just hours after his arrival in Florence. For some, reason Snooks is desperate to find Jionni and make things right. Of course, her quest ends the minute she passes an establishment that sells alcohol, and she decides to just get hammered and dance instead. Good to know her heartbreak hasn't affected her ability to enjoy an old-fashioned sh!tfaced solo dance party.

While Jionni horribly overreacted JWoww actually has every reason to be pissed after witnessing the worst of Snooks; drunken freak-out, but she decides to get over it when she sees the sad state her BFF has been reduced to. With all her mature, protective behavior this season, I propose officially changing Jenni's nickname to JMomm. It's a good thing Snooki has her much more level-headed friend for support, because the funk we saw her sink into last night was a truly a truly pathetic sight. "I need to f*cking change myself to get married," Snooks whimpers while sucking down Newports. Really, Snooki? What happened to the independent loud-mouthed party girl we've grown to love? All this over some uptight closet case? Someone get some shots in this girl, ASAP.

Proving that she's the best friend not only on Shore, but possibly on all of reality TV, Jenni gets a hold of Jionni and tearfully pleads for him to talk to Nicole. Jionni continues to work hard for the Dickhole of the Year award by claiming to have taken off for Rome, when he's actually at a train station down the street. He eventually comes clean and agrees to meet with Snooki. After the world's most awkward public reunion, JiJi leaves anyway, claiming that his mom already changed his flight for him. Dude's so deep in the closet, he probably smells like mothballs.

After all that drama, comic relief comes in the form of a furniture pyramid on Deena's bed, followed by Vinny forcibly rubbing his wang on the girl (Trust me, it was funny). Snooki decides to hit the club instead of lying in bed drinking beer, and it looks like things might finally be back to normal. Then Deena reveals that she might be pregnant. JMomm takes her to buy a pregnancy test from the shadiest back alley pharmacy in the world and after a long night of boozing, Deena presumably had no trouble peeing on it immediately. The test comes out negative, and pre-k teachers throughout New Jersey breathe a massive sigh of relief.

Amazingly, Snooki calls Jionni to see how his flight home went. He gives her more of his judgmental d-bag routine, but this time she actually stands up to him. The two have it out over the phone and Snooks finally shows some balls by hanging up on him. The roommates all get Nicole's back, except for Ron who is apparently in the same abusive douche support group as Jionni. Depressed, half drunk, and homesick, Snooki - a woman who's admittedly not much in the idea department - has perhaps the greatest idea of her life: Jersey house party in the middle of Italy.

Pauly D busts out the DJ equipment, everyone puts on their freshest over-sized old lady sunglasses, and Mike "sits in the corner with his glasses on and looks creepy." It's just like we're back in Seaside. Naturally, The Situation sees that everyone has a good time and decides to make things weird. He professes his love for Snooki, which, of course, JWoww sees right through as Mike's attempt to "f*ck up someone's relationship and get away with it." Mike may be full of sh!t (like when he says all the guys in the house encouraged him to kick Jionni in the head), but to his credit, Snooki finally admits to hooking up with him in LA.

Can't believe I'm about to side with The Situation, but it's kinda messed up that no one gives him his props after the revelation that he's been telling the truth all this time. So Snooki finally comes clean about smushing the Sitch and minutes later she climbs into bed and gets it in with Vinny. You'd think that would be the nail in the coffin for Snooks' relationship with Jionni, but bear in mind, these two are still together in real life. Lame.