Jersey Shore star Vinny Guadagnino may be a closet case, which would explain why he never has a girlfriend and why he gravitates toward Pauly D like Snooki to a shot of tequila. If we rewind up until what we’ve seen on Jersey Shore since its launch, and what viewers will see on Thursday (I’ll get to that later), Vinny’s actions suggest that he’s into sausage.
Vinny is always hugging or jumping on Pauly D as a “joke.”
I can’t remember how many times Vinny has embraced Pauly D because it has been too many times to count, really. Vinny is always being affectionate under the guise that he’s ‘just joking.’ When Vinny gets touchy with Pauly, he claims to be harmlessly mocking Sammi, Snooki or Deena to justify why he goes scrotum-to-scrotum with the popular DJ. It happens every single friggin’ episode, though. This ain’t normal.
On last Thursday’s MTV “Jersey Shore After Hours” show, Vinny joked about how having sex with Snooki at this point is like having sex with Pauly D.
Vinny said that he and Snooki are too close to engage in casual sex these days, and it’s hard for him to get it up when he’s with Snooks. To illustrate his smush dilemma, Vinny said that having sex with Snooki is like having sex with Pauly D. He then locked eyes with Pauly when he said this. Now I don’t know about y’all, but I have yet to meet a straight male who says that doing anything on God’s green earth is similar to having sex with another dude.
Vinny jumps in Pauly D’s bed on this Thursday’s Shore episode and gets in the doggy style position while Pauly D unwraps a condom.
I. KID. YOU. NOT. Towards the end of last Thursday’s “Jersey Shore After Hours” show, they previewed what’s to come this week, and Vinny is seen pretending to be Pauly D’s gay lover in bed.
We get it. Vinny thinks it’s funny to exaggerate his bromance with Pauly, which is easy to do considering how close they are, but once again, does Vinny have to bend over (literally) to let the world know that he’s a power bottom?
Editor’s Note: This post is not intended to be taken literally. I just believe that Vinny, like Jionni, is suspect.