Ah, hungover regret. It’s been a recurring theme for Snooki on this season of Jersey Shore. On last night’s episode, the morning after was particularly harsh, as she had to deal with the fallout from two mistakes she’d made while hammered. Not only did she sleep with Vinny despite the fact that she’s still technically dating Jionni, but the sh!t finally hit the fan from when she drunkenly smushed The Situation several months earlier in LA.
“Crazy pants!” Snooks exclaimed when she found out Mike called her out in front of the other roommates. Because he has a gift for always showing up where he’s not wanted, The Sitch makes a perfectly-time sitcom entrance at that moment, complete with wacky, bed head Kramer hair. He yells at Snooks in an effort to stir up some early morning drama, but she wisely takes off in search of mimosas. Mike, meanwhile, calls his friend The Unit (retarded nicknames must be a requirement in Mike’s crew) to rehash what exactly happened that night. According to Mike’s version of events, Snooks got all hot and bothered watching her friend Ryder ride The Unit’s unit. And then, as Mike so eloquently put it, “She went from 4’9″ to about 2’9″.” Jionni must love this episode.
In an effort to determine who ratted him out to Snooki, Mike lies to his roommates and tells them that he told The Unit to call Jionni and tell him what happened. Of course, if he actually wanted to find out who the snitch was, Mike would have to tell all of his roommates different lies, but Mike’s not much in the brains department. When it comes to stirring up pointless drama, though, he’s a genius. WTF was his endgame with this plan? Did he think everyone was gonna believe him and pat him on the back when he admitted to making the whole thing up?
Again, Snooki comes through with the comic relief by buying a bottle of wine that’s roughly a foot taller than she is and promptly spilling all 20 gallons of it on her suitcase. But it’s right back to drama when Sam comes home from work and breaks Snooki the news about Sitch’s shady moves. Predictably, Snooki flips the f*ck out and breaks her second bottle of wine in an hour, this time by whipping it at Mike’s head. Mike admits that it was all a joke, but whatever point he was trying to make was pretty much lost in the barrage of flying objects.
Snooks really took the prank to heart, and for a while there, you really had to feel bad for her. After all, her whole relationship was falling apart, all because of some mistake she may or may not have made months earlier. Fortunately, Pauly D was there to remind us that she totally banged one of her roommates like a few hours prior. Hmmm…maybe the whole thing is a bit more complicated than “Mike’s an evil dickhead.” Fortunately, there’s a pair of roadtrips to to distract us from the heavy sh!t…
The guys go to Sicily to meet Vinny’s relatives, while the girls head to Tuscany to get trashed on a wine tour. The guys soak up some local culture and learn about Vinny’s forefathers, while the girls…well, as Snooki says, “Boooo, history. Gimme the f*cking wine.” One of the most awkward/hilarious moments in Shore history occurred when Snooki and JWoww got into a heated debate about Nicole’s sluttiness in the presence of the unber-snooty wine tour guide. Even that b!tch probably had to give Jenni her props for telling it like it is.
JMomm tells Nicole that she should give up on Jionni because after all the problems they’ve had, there’s no way he’ll forgive her for hooking up with Vinny. She’s completely right (if you ignore the fact that Snooks and Jionni are still together in real time), but Snooki reacts to her friend’s honesty like the sh!tfaced toddler that she is and storms off. When she gets home and sobers up, Nicole makes peace with Jenni and calls her dad, who informs her that Jionni changed his Facebook status to “single.” Naturally, Snooks freaks out, calls Jionni, and begs him to take her back. Because she’ll be busted when Jionni watches the show this season anyway, Nicole fesses up about banging Vinny. Amazingly, that’s what it takes to get dude to take her back. WTF? Snionni is starting to rival Samron in terms of scariest smush monster on Shore.