Jersey Shore Season Finale Recap: Farewell Florence!

Apparently, The Situation should start a spin-off series where he just gets hammered, talks to himself, and does pantsless karate kicks, because the first minute of last night's Jersey Shore season finale may have been the funniest thing I've ever seen on television. Sadly, on his current show, Mike still has to deal with other people, so when his roommates come home, Ronnie Ortiz-Magro takes The Sitcher aside for a man-to-man and tells him if he doesn't change his ways "he has to go." Mike is still hammered and half-asleep at this point, so he threatens to "scoot" and Ron accuses him of "acting like Angelina." The difference, of course, is that Angelina bounced before this Jersey Shore thing took off, whereas Mike is a one-man empire. If I were him, I'd scoot while the scootin's good.

Next, Pauly D and Vinny say good-bye to the pizzeria, and from the way they talk about it, I get the impression they had more good times and funny moments with their Florentian co-workers than we got to see. Back at the house, Ron and Sammi have a 3-second smush session that the rest of the house has a good laugh at, and Mike persists with his threats to not follow the rest of the crew to Jersey. So no one knows what will happen in Jersey, but for the time being, the guidos are just trying to enjoy the little time they have left in Italy. Sadly, they start one of their last nights in a club that (in Deena's words) resembles "a basement frat party." But Team Meatball is not easily discouraged when it comes to getting hammered, so Snooki and Deena seek out a more bangin' locale.

The ladies get wasted, but not as wasted as the chick Pauly D meets at the club and then hilariously shoves into a cab after she falls down drunk. All-in-all the last clubbing night in Florence was pretty uneventful, but the morning after emotional send-off at the pizza place made up for it. Although, leave it to Deena to ruin the beautiful sentiment behind someone asking for an article of clothing to remember you by, by handing the dude a dirty thong. So the guidos are almost done with Italy. They've even started passing up the pasta and wine for Gatorade and barbecue. But first, they have one last thing to take care of...

Sightseeing! Somehow, these people have been in Florence for six weeks and failed to visit a museum or pose for a group picture. I don't wanna sound like a snob, but c'mon guys...you knew you were in Italy, right? Of course, they set out on their once in a lifetime tour of Florence eager to soak in the culture of the artistic and historical mecca they've been living in for the last month and a half. Or not. "Do you wanna go get liquor if we get bored?" Snooki says at the outset. In fairness, we didn't tune in this season to watch a bunch of bunch of spray-tanned gym rats look at Renaissance art.

So the guidos get to see sights many would kill to be in the presence of, like Michelangelo's David and the house where Da Vinci painted the Mona Lisa. Vinny, at least, seems genuinely appreciative, while Snooki just complains that David's dick isn't bigger. Mike, meanwhile, reacts to his own boredom like a pissed off three year-old, by repeatedly separating himself from the group and sitting on the floor. In public. Because that's how adults behave. But at the end of the day, everyone sits down, reminisces and seems to be enjoying each other's company. Which, of course, is the perfect time for Mike to launch his evil master plan. He forces a phony apology on the group, complete with flowers for the ladies. But it's too little, too late it seems, and everyone sees right through his BS. "Same sh!t, different country," JWoww says. Pretty much sums it up.

Mike's efforts to get back in everyone's good graces continue the next day, when he cooks breakfast and pretends that he's not burned up inside by the fact that everybody else seems to be enjoying themselves. "Mike's personality is just a hard one to deal with," says Vinny, still the youngest and most mature guido. "What else can I do but accept it and see what happens in the future?" Of course, Mike takes the opportunity to drop the shocking bombshell that he was just bluffing about not participating in season five. Amazingly, everyone humors him and the ladies even ask for a look at his now-deflated abs.

In their own weird ways, it looks like everyone's growing up. For better or worse, things are changing. Maybe back in Seaside, we'll see a group of kinder, gentler guidos. Or not... "Mike and Ronnie fighting, Vinny and Pauly not bringing home girls," Snooki says. "This isn't real life. In Jersey, I think things will go back to normal." And, of course, The Sitch has some parting shots, "I'll take on the whole house at once. I still have some tricks up my sleeve...And it's gonna be a situation." You stay classy, Mike. See ya back in Seaside, you lunatic d-bag, you.